General Debate 15 June 2011

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Rodders

A change of heart from toad?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/5144883/Greens-go-off-online-Goff-ads
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June 15, 2011 8:03am
Pete George

I’m having a dig at here as well as elsewhere in Dogs of Blogs, Bitches of Parties, but I think Kiwiblog is in relatively good health at the moment, the worst of what I’ve seen in the past seems to have faded and there’s a good injection of new commenters adding to the mix.
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June 15, 2011 8:10am
Manolo

Really? http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/news/politics/5144829/Wages-rising-faster-than-food-prices
Who would believe the incompetent Bill English?
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June 15, 2011 8:17am
joana

John Key didn’t seem too happy with Sean Plunkett exposing the myth of the poor , saintly mother. She was originally from a very wealthy family and wanted to get back to that or at least get her boy back to that. Tossing his father out when he was ill and dying doesn’t do much for the image either.
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June 15, 2011 8:18am
Manolo

The thug Harawira urges creation of Maori ‘parliament’:
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/politics/news/article.cfm?c_id=280&objectid=10732291
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June 15, 2011 8:22am
Murray

Pete half the “new commenters” are paid trolls shifting identities.

The idots don’t change ip’s though. But lets be honest with the evidence to hand the left are not really the finest exponents of internet savy are they.
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June 15, 2011 8:36am
Put it away

So the greens have decided to wait till goff’s corpse is cold before haggling for his shoes.
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June 15, 2011 8:37am
Murray

“The online notices were placed this week but were not authorised by the party, which was alerted to them via social media.”

Thats funny, toad was proundly anoucing it as the greens strategy for the lection yesterday.

toad (2,889) Says:

June 14th, 2011 at 9:27 am
Welcome to the Green campaign team, David.

Perhaps the watermellon mouthpiece might like to start his dance to explain this little foxes paw. Toad?

Well obviously we’ll have to wait till his morning talking points brief has finsihed.
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June 15, 2011 8:39am
ciaron

Well Pete, you seem to have a dedicated follower in the guy with the girls name…
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June 15, 2011 8:50am
Manolo

Isn’t the old bugger lucky? http://msn.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=10732328&ref=rss
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June 15, 2011 8:51am
Chuck Bird

Goff slams Draren Hughes’ ‘trial by media’

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10732318

[deleted by DPF – unacceptable phrasing]
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June 15, 2011 8:54am
shady

The news and blogs are hilarious this morning – Lyn Prentice spitting bile (still) on PG’s new blog http://yournz.org/2011/06/15/dogs-of-blogs-bitches-of-parties/. Mickey Savage (Greg Presland) making threats to Whaleoil and National, and the Greens are retracting their ads on targeting Labour’s voters and apologising to Phil Goff! Not to mention yesterday – while most blogs were relatively quiet about Labour’s woeful web security, The Standard amassed over 300 comments of froth and bile. This is great entertainment!
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June 15, 2011 8:55am
Thomas the Unbeliever

Sobering news this morning that GNS believe there is a 30% chance of a further 6 – 6.8 earthquake in the Canterbury Quake Region.

I am not a resident of Christchurch, but like most South islanders effectively live in a suburb of the city despite living several hundred kilometres away. Most things in the South Island hub from Christchurch. I know the impact that the quakes have had on our lives (including housing ‘refugees’ and how minor that is compared to those who live in the affected areas of Christchurch.

I volunteer for an emergency service and was deployed in Christchurch for some time from 22 February onwards, operating principally in the Red Zone.

The quake in February fell within the range of aftershocks predicted by GNS and other scientists, but I do not believe that many had given those predictions much credence. It was clear to me in February, operating from the Red Zone for a week, that some of the Emergency Services had not prepared a clear strategic plan to deal with such a predicated aftershock …. and struggled to cope with some logistical issues (e.g. where is a safe place to base their activities) which should have been established as contingency plans in the weeks following the quake in September.

The subsequent warning of a further large after shock (23% chance of greater than 6) released several weeks ago was criticised in some quarters ….. but perhaps not now!

GNS has got it right twice. This third warning is especially sobering in that context.

I believe that, as a consequence:
– No major rebuilding should get underway until things have settled. We cannot afford to rebuild twice – and prudence dictates that time is allowed to pass before major building projects are initiated.
– Until the aftershocks settle, the focus should be on planning, temporary solutions, and giving certainty to those in damaged properties.
– Anyone in a property that is damaged should quickly be given a clear indication whether rebuilding/repair is likely/advisable, or whether the site must be cleared.
– Government, EQC and Insurance Companies need to combine urgently to make clear decisions in order to give these people living in limbo a chance to move on. There is no point living on hope/expectation of a rebuild (in many cases from September) when you know that eventually the bulldozers will be moving in.
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June 15, 2011 8:56am
Falafulu Fisi

3D TV without glasses
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June 15, 2011 8:56am
TimG_Oz

Israel provides continuous humanitarian, economic, and medical aid to Gaza. The last ‘aid’ flotilla was filled with expired medicine, defunct equipment, and belligerent Jihadists. What is the real purpose of this next flotilla?

http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/144914
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June 15, 2011 9:34am
shady

So full moon ….. coupled with major earthquakes. But of course Ken Ring was wrong in his theory of the phases of the moon having any relevance to earthquakes.
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June 15, 2011 9:37am
mikenmild

shady
And your point? Did Ken Ring predict this one?
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June 15, 2011 9:39am
Pete George

Thomas the Unbeliever – that is very sobering. This week has been very sobering as it is regarding Christchurch.

The September quake was a big event. People cleaned up and started rebuilding their lives.
The February quake was a big tragedy. People cleaned up and started rebuilding their lives.
This week’s quake was a bit more mud and rubble. And the country felt despair with Christchurch.

Not sure why, but it’s been bloody demoralising, heartbreaking, and that’s from a distance where we only feel the bigger ones.
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June 15, 2011 9:54am
Pete George

Shady: they’re trying to blast me for suggesting our politics is a bit sick …
– and at the same time they try and blast Whale/National for playing dirty.

The “standard” is not too flash this morning.
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June 15, 2011 9:56am
shady

Ken Ring went into hiding months ago after the outrage last time – including death threats from what was reported. Why would he poke his head up and say – hey guys – full moon coming – might be higher risk of a large earthquake? However – he did suggest they would taper off after May (from memory).

I’m not actually making the point in support of Ken Ring at all, more that perhaps the theory has more merit than has been afforded to date. No doubt various people will be along shortly to debunk it.
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June 15, 2011 10:00am
Bob

I don’t think Hone Harawira’s suggestion of a Maori parliament is such a bad idea. However he doen’t need a separate parliament. That would be counterproductive. What is to stop him just calling a meeting of all parliamentary Maori for discussions regularly? If they all agree on an issue they can go back to their parties and push it. A separate parliament is not going to give them any more influence. They might be separating themselves from the mainstream and losing influence on policies which are not directly related to Maori.
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June 15, 2011 10:00am
Thomas the Unbeliever

Bob @1000

It is my understanding that Maori MPs from across all parties regularly caucus in the manner you suggest – and have done for some time.
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June 15, 2011 10:06am
CHFR

mikenmild (201) Says:
June 15th, 2011 at 9:39 am

shady
And your point? Did Ken Ring predict this one?

Yes he did on Saturday on the fishing show on Radio Trackside. He said Monday was when the moon was at its closest perigee so Wellington and Canterbury were at their greatest exposure. It is as close as anything GNS are doing.
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June 15, 2011 10:07am
shady

Wow – thanks CHFR.
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June 15, 2011 10:10am
krazykiwi

Sat next to Hone on a plane the other day, and have had Minto walking the floor at work having out Unite propaganda today. I feel unclean.

Different topic, sat on an AirNZ 737 this morning and watched as a latch on the engine, complete with red warning text “Do not open while engine is operating”, decided to pop open at 20,000feet. Made a change from worrying about volcanic ash!
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June 15, 2011 10:15am
Thomas the Unbeliever

Shady @ 0937 & 1000

This has been covered many times. Most of Ken Ring’s predictions were incorrect. If you make a thousand predictions and one ends up close to the mark …. that is not proof your prediction is correct, it is just pure luck!

GNS’s predictions are based on many studies of multiple earthquake events. They are clearly stated (including the diminishing risk over time). They have, thus far, proved to be correct. The important change is that, after yesterday, the risk has increased of another major quake (from 25%(?) to 30%) … not decreased as you might expect. Perhaps that is because this is suggested to be a new fault.

Any reference to Ken Ring at all is simply unhelpful … and unsupported by any evidence of substance.
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June 15, 2011 10:15am
wreck1080

I’m sicka hearing clowns demanding gst be removed from food. It is like they think the government does not use GST collected from food.

The medias first response should be to ask them who will make up the lost tax revenue.
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June 15, 2011 10:16am
mikenmild

CHFR

So was there an earthquake in Wellington too? Seriously, how often does Ken Ring need to be wrong before he gets ignored totally?
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June 15, 2011 10:21am
Positan

Goff slams Hughes’ “trial by media” – claims that the police said ‘Hughes had no case to answer.’

Isn’t Goff supposed to be a qualified lawyer? Surely, he should be able to tell the yawning difference between ‘the police lack the evidentiary threshold necessary to proceed to prosecution’ – and ‘Hughes has no case to answer.’

Simply, the complainant didn’t want to feature in such a trial. He was picked up naked by the police, but obviously didn’t want his name splattered all over the news.

The leader of Her Majesty’s loyal opposition seems to be as conveniently twisted as the rest of his party.
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June 15, 2011 10:26am
dime

am i to understand that RICH PRICK PHIL GOFF is holidaying in Greece??

Its not fair! doesnt he realise people are struggling out there. Food is going up, petrol is up.

PHIL GOFF IS A RICK PRICK
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June 15, 2011 10:31am
Thomas the Unbeliever

Positan @1026
Goff is not a lawyer. His degree was in Political Studies … then he lectured.
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June 15, 2011 10:31am
mikenmild

Positan

Technically, I think there is ‘no case to answer’. If there was a case to answer then the Police would have brought it before the court. Speculation about whether the complainant wanted to testify seems just that: speculation.
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June 15, 2011 10:37am
Chuck Bird

“If there was a case to answer then the Police would have brought it before the court.”

Yeah Right – just like they did with Clark and Benson-Peep
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June 15, 2011 10:51am
flipper

A note on an issue that impacts on almost every New Zealander…..
In the US this morning, according to the AAA, the national average price of standard unleaded gasoline is $US3.70 per US gallon.
Do the math ….. this equates to $NZ1.25 per litre.
Note some areas also apply state sales tax (6-9%).
Questions ….
1. Given the continued average strength of the Kiwi, and relatively stable oil prices, why are our pump prices increasing?
2. And watermelons and labour want INCREASE fuel taxes ???????
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June 15, 2011 10:57am
mikenmild

Chuck Bird

Why wouldn’t the police bring it before the court?
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June 15, 2011 11:00am
Falafulu Fisi

CHFR said…
It is as close as anything GNS are doing.

Ken Ring is spouting nonsense and only the gullibles that follow his moon reading.
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June 15, 2011 11:03am
Longknives

Krazykiwi- Holy Hell! Did you ask anyone why the plane appeared to be coming apart? Or are you the polite kind of fellow who doesn’t want to cause any fuss? I know nothing of Aeronautics so I’d likely be screaming a`la John Lithgow in the Twilight Zone ‘There’s something on the wing’ scene….
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June 15, 2011 11:03am
Longknives

I’d probably also likely scream like that if that weasel Minto came to my office….
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June 15, 2011 11:05am
Chuck Bird

“Why wouldn’t the police bring it before the court?”

I can think of two reasons.

The first is some sort of political interference for whatever reason.

The second is that the complainant had changed his mind about testifying possibly under some pressure.
If the complainant had said he would not testify from day one why would it take the police three months to come to a decision?
If the complainant has agreed to testify the police should have laid charges promptly as they would have done if the complaint was female.

If Dirty Darren had not had a track record for plying young me with alcohol and hitting on them it would be a different matter. Goff and King should be asked if they heard of the previous incidents 2008 and 2009 and what they did about.

Goff and King’s attitude toward this sexual predator make me sick.
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June 15, 2011 11:23am
mikenmild

Chuck

I doubt that there would have been any political interference. Our system is pretty clean and there’s no track record of this sort of thing happening before.

Perhaps the young man did change his mind (about his complaint, that is!), but we might never know. The rest is uninformed speculation.

In any case, Hughes’s political career is over. It’s hard to imagine him coming back from this, although it has been done (Colin Moyle).

It’s hard to see what else the Labour leaders could have done. I think they were in the damned if you do, damned if you don’t spot.
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June 15, 2011 11:35am
Oskar

Random thoughts
– I wonder if Labour, and their fellow travelers – hand on heart – could say that they have never had a look at the National or ACT Party websites. Or for that matter any other political party website. It is therefore hardly surprising that National, and their fellow travelers, have had a look at the various sites run by/for the Labour Party.
– Given the former three hats was the President of both Labour and EPMU when these sites were set up I wonder how secure the EPMU site is (but maybe the EPMU could pay their IT people more so a proper job was done.)
– Shouldn’t Little Andrew as President at the time responsibility for this debacle.
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June 15, 2011 11:37am
Positan

@Thomas the unbeliever and milkenmild. Thank you for your input.

As milkenmild correctly observes, speculation is indeed just speculation. However, in response to Hughes’ declaration that he’d ‘done nothing wrong,’ the lawyer who’d acted on behalf of the guy picked up by the police naked, stated that Hughes was unwise to have made such an utterance and backed up his point.

Further to that, the police have never made any sort of reference as to charging the naked guy for having been so found in a public place – or for wasting police time – or for laying a false complaint. Therefore having dealt to the other possibilities, I can only presume that the naked guy was well aware of the consequences to himself, even as a completely innocent party – and he chose not to feature in what would have become a press circus with his name thereafter hoisted in perpetuity.

For a guy of his young years, I can only salute his judgement, or that of his parents and legal advisors. It took the police three months to fail to get him to change his mind – they must have really tried.

Yes, all is speculated, I agree – but is there any other possible scenario to consider?
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June 15, 2011 11:58am
mikenmild

Positan

Well, I think I could construct a number of other possible scenarios based on what is known, but that would be just more speculation. Either way, Hughes is finished as a politician, for the forseeable anyway.
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June 15, 2011 12:05pm
Positan

@milkenmild

“I think I could construct a number of other possible scenarios based on what is known …”

Please do – I’d be absolutely fascinated at the possibility there could be ANY other derivable explanations – let alone “a number.”
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June 15, 2011 12:12pm
Rodders

Chuck @11.23am – Why are you continuing to use the same sort of language that was deleted by DPF previously?
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June 15, 2011 12:14pm
mikenmild

Positan

This is what we know. The two men met at a function then went to Hughes’s home. At some time thereafter there was a report of a distressed naked man in the street. The Police investigated and after some time decided not to lay any charges. We don’t know what substances may have been ingested or anything about the state of mind or health of the complainant. Perhaps he got confused and panicked, we simply don’t know. My only point is that from the known facts we could construct a number of scenarios.

In any case, it is academic now. Hughes is gone from the political scene, probably for good.

Don’t mistake my comments for a defence of Hughes. Viewed in even the most favourable light, his unwise behaviour has cost his political career.
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June 15, 2011 12:19pm
Chuck Bird

“Why are you continuing to use the same sort of language that was deleted by DPF previously?”

Rodders, Thanks for the heads up. Is Dirty Darren now banned?
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June 15, 2011 12:30pm
Chuck Bird

I doubt that there would have been any political interference. Our system is pretty clean and there’s no track record of this sort of thing happening before.

I alredy pointed out Clark and Bebson-Peep.

Perhaps the young man did change his mind (about his complaint, that is!), but we might never know. The rest is uninformed speculation.

Quite likely. But would this have been the case if the complaint was dealt with promptly as would have been the case if the complainant was female?

In any case, Hughes’s political career is over. It’s hard to imagine him coming back from this, although it has been done (Colin Moyle).

That is not my point. The case should have been dealt with properly and that means promptly.

It’s hard to see what else the Labour leaders could have done. I think they were in the damned if you do, damned if you don’t spot.

They could have given him a very clear message after the 2008 incident and a final warning after he tried in on with an ACT staffer after plying him with alcohol.
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June 15, 2011 12:41pm
Positan

milkenmild

You don’t seem to allow for the police taking three months to arrive at a “nil” decision. Given your synopsis, the matter could have been concluded almost immediately. Given the police statement, “evidentiary threshold” which I’ve never before come across, I think the police would have put enormous effort into finalising a prosecution.

I haven’t taken your position as a defence of Hughes – I just wanted to hear articulated any other reasonable possibility.
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June 15, 2011 12:44pm
mikenmild

Chuck Bird, Positan

Chuck mentioned Clark and Benson-Pope, but I don’t think there was any evidence of political interference in those cases, either, any more than there is evidence of interference in other cases, like Richard Worth’s. I don’t see how such interference could be construed from a 3-month delay or that there is anything to suggest that such a timeframe was unwarranted. We simply don’t know.
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June 15, 2011 12:58pm
Chuck Bird

mikenmild, in both cases it was found that there was a prima facie case but not in the public interest to prosecute. Around that time two National MPs were prosecuted for lessor offences. It is of course impossible to prove political interference in these cases or any other. Clark would work through a least one intermediary.

I have lot more confidence in judges or retired judges that I do of a Commissioner of Police who is a political appointment for 3 or 5 years.

The police should not investigate MPs as justice should be seen to be done. A judge or possibly three judges should make such a decision.

In regards the 3 month investigation I cannot see why it should take this long. I must assume the young man initially said he would testify or why proceed with the investigation if he did not. Assuming, he said he would testify how many people would have to be interviewed besides him and Darren?

As I have said many times if the complaint was female there is no way charges would not have been laid. Do you disagree?

What message does this send out to sexual predators of adolescents and young men just above the age of consent?
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June 15, 2011 2:01pm
Manolo

Consumers continue to be hit in the hip pocket with food prices up again in May.

Prices rose 0.5 per cent in the month and were up 7.4 per cent on a year earlier, according to Statistics New Zealand. There was a sharp seasonal jump in salad produce including lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers, as well as a significant rise in chicken and bacon prices.

It was the biggest annual rise for two years, partly due to the increase in GST in October last year. Fuel prices have also gone up, despite the New Zealand dollar surging back to near-record levels.

And yet, the incompetent Double Dipton English has to gall to say we’re better off. Thank you, Labour lite.

http://money.msn.co.nz/marketandbusinessnews/8261327/families-struggling-as-food-prices-soar
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June 15, 2011 2:21pm
wreck1080

Outrageous council spending, and your council probably does this too.

http://sunlive.co.nz/news/13620-chch-trip-costs-bay-council-7200.html

Former Bay Of Plenty Regional Council chief executive Bill Bayfield has taken up a position in the city as Environment Canterbury’s new CEO.

So, I guess he had a nice leaving do from the old council.

But, the BOP council goes further, and fly 11 people from the BOP (including 3 not employed by the former council), down to christchurch to accompany him into his new job. It is astounding that they do this, no commercial organisation would attend welcoming ceremonies for employees who shift outside the organisation.

And, this was kept secret from ratepayers.

How did we find out…..

Well, the ‘welcoming’ ceremony was being filmed when the earthquake struck and the footage ended up on the evening news.

In the comments section of the link, someone mentions this is common practice for senior government positions. What crap. This is a recession when ratepayer incomes are falling, and while John key is preaching belt tightening.
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June 15, 2011 3:33pm
starboard

1. Given the continued average strength of the Kiwi, and relatively stable oil prices, why are our pump prices increasing”

Good question. Its called collusion. This time around its Shell and Caltex’s turn..BP playing the good guys and not increasing ( in chc anyway )..next time Mobil will put theirs up first while Caltex holds back…and it goes on and on…fuckers hope they drown in the shit.
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June 15, 2011 3:38pm
Diziet Sma

Dear Firearms enthusiasts. Make a submission NOW on the ARMS (MILITARY STYLE SEMI-AUTOMATIC FIREARMS AND IMPORT CONTROLS) AMENDMENT BILL if you value such freedoms. Closing date is tomorrow!
‘This bill amends the Arms Act to amend the definition of military style semi-automatic firearms and place restrictions on the importation of airguns that look like restricted weapons.’
http://www.nsanz.org.nz/
http://www.parliament.nz/en-NZ/PB/SC/MakeSub/7/e/4/49SCLO_SCF_00DBHOH_BILL10610_1-Arms-Military-Style-Semi-automatic.htm
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June 15, 2011 3:56pm
Elaycee

Oh oh – it doesn’t get any better for the Labour Party. Parliamentary staffer in court for (alleged) theft?

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10732419
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June 15, 2011 3:56pm
Manolo

And he’s not alone: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110614/ap_on_re_us/us_obama_family_1
Hell no!
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June 15, 2011 4:00pm
RightNow

Also not getting better for A Weiner. The x-rated pic of his weiner is out there…
http://gawker.com/5809909/anthony-weiners-cock-shot-emerges
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June 15, 2011 4:02pm
mikenmild

Chuck

I don’t have too much to add re Hughes, but I don’t think there was any politica linterference in the invstigation. As for the suggestion that had a woman been involved there would inevitably have been charges, well that’s just an insult to the Police.
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June 15, 2011 4:17pm
Chuck Bird

“As for the suggestion that had a woman been involved there would inevitably have been charges, well that’s just an insult to the Police.”

You can have your head buried in the sand if you choose. I am talking about the world as it is.

I suggest you read, “Crime in New Zealand” by criminologist, Greg Newbold. There a strong bias by the police and the courts that favour woman.
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June 15, 2011 4:29pm
starboard

“The x-rated pic of his weiner is out there”

tee hee..looking at it Id call it a cherio..whos he gona satisfy with that ?
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June 15, 2011 4:42pm
mikenmild

Chuck

Sorry, I’m reading something else at the moment. Could you expand on the argument?. You say, backed by Newbold, that the Police and Courts favour women. How does that affect a decision over an allegation of male on male assault?
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June 15, 2011 4:52pm
krazykiwi

@Longknives – Reported it to the ground staff (as did several other passengers). I also took a photo and sent it to stuff.co.nz. There’s no point in being polite when the safety of heaps of people is at risk. And I fly… a lot.
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June 15, 2011 5:38pm
Johnboy

I knew Jews like Weiner were circumcised but I never realised they shaved as well! 🙂
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June 15, 2011 5:58pm
Elaycee

An oldie but a goodie:

A bloke sat next to a gorgeous woman on a plane and started up a conversation.

“What do you do for a living?” asked the man.

“I’m actually a hooker”, she replied. “I’ve been one for 10 years.”

“Really? Perhaps you could tell me, based on your experience, who make the best lovers?”

She immediately responded “Jews. I don’t want to get into a discussion about it, but most certainly, Jews.”

“Wow! And, er, who would you rate as the second best lovers?”

“American Indians” she replied.

“No kidding – I’d never have guessed” said the man. “I have to ask the obvious – after Jews and American Indians, who would be next best?”

“Policemen”, she replied. “I really don’t want to explain why, but after Jews and American Indians, policemen would be next. But enough about me – what do you do for a living? What’s your name?”

“Detective Inspector Tonto Goldstein!”
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June 15, 2011 6:09pm
Mick Mac

Judge Andrew Beecroft said Tuesday morning that 85% of the youth who come before him have no fathers at home.
I was gobsmacked as if they know this sort of info surely Government policies would be crafted to mitigate against this?

Phyllis Schlafly in the USA is saying similar things.
http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=310961
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June 15, 2011 6:19pm
nasska

Elaycee……Very Good.

Shona was about to be married and went to confession with a problem on her mind.
“Father” she said, “I believe an open and honest relationship is the foundation for a good marriage and I will need your blessing to admit to my fiance that my family is not perfect. For example,” she said, “There is my father who has long been an alcoholic, my mother is still working the streets, my eldest brother is still touching up little boys and of course brother Ned who fled to Australia to beat a murder charge, got married and is living there under another name.”
“My problem is Father, should I tell my fiance that my brother is married to an Aussie?”.
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June 15, 2011 6:25pm
Elaycee

@nasska – Haha. Love it.
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June 15, 2011 6:33pm
nasska

A woman goes on a game show trying to win the top prize of $50,000. She
keeps answering question after question, and the prize money keeps
building up.

Finally she gets to the last question and the host says, “Okay, now. For
fifty thousand dollars, here is your final question: What are the three
most important parts of a man’s body?”

Suddenly the buzzer sounds. “Oh, I’m sorry,” says the host, “our time is
up for today. We’ll have to come back next week and ask you that
question again. If you can answer it correctly, though, you will win
fifty thousand dollars!”

So the woman goes home that night, and her husband is really excited.

“Wow, honey!” he exclaims as he hugs her. “You did great! That was
fantastic! And just wait until next week! We’ll win fifty thousand
dollars!”

So the wife says to him, “Well, tell me, honey. What are the three most
important parts of a man’s body?”

The husband answers, “It’s the head, the heart, and the penis.”

“Oh, okay,” she says. “Great!”

So for the next few days, the husband keeps testing her with the
question. She’s in the shower when he suddenly sticks his head in around
the curtain and barks, “What are the three most important parts of a
man’s body?”

She quickly replies, “HEAD, HEART, AND PENIS!”

“Great!” says the husband.

All week long he keeps testing her, asking her at the strangest moments,
and trying to catch her off guard. But she always gets the right answer.

Finally the big night arrives, and she is very excited as she arrives at
the television studio. The lights go on, and soon as they go on the air,
the host says to her, “All right! You’ve had a week to prepare! Now.for
fifty thousand dollars.what are the three most important parts of a
man’s body?”

The studio audience falls to a hush. The hot bright lights are shining
down, the cameras push in for a close up, and the woman starts to get
flustered.

“U”…um…um…the…the…uh…the HEAD!”

“That’s ONE!” says the host.

“Uh.uh.uh,” stammers the woman, “uh.the HEART!”

The host shouts out, “That’s TWO!”

Now the woman is so nervous that she can hardly think. “Oh, I know it, I
know it,” she says, “it’s right on the tip of my tongue.I could spit it
out.it’s been drilled into me all week.”

The host says, “Aaah, that’s close enough. You win!”
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June 15, 2011 6:39pm
Elaycee

Ha ha – very good, nasska.
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June 15, 2011 6:48pm
Viking2

Nick Smith was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her
and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a
conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the
total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he said . “How about global warming,
health care, or stimulus packages?” as he smiled smugly.

“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass.
Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The MP, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about
it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to
discuss global warming, health care, or the economy, when you
don’t know shit?”

And then she went back to reading her book.
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June 15, 2011 7:03pm
Viking2

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

( Clearly not a member of the Labour Party .)
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June 15, 2011 7:09pm
mikenmild

Viking

Didn’t I read this joke on KB yesterday?

Anyway, a guy is in the supermarket and notices an attractive woman choosing some dog food. To strike up a conversation her asks her, “Do you think my dog would like that one?” The woman replies, “Sorry, I don’t know, I don’t have a dog?” So why are you getting dog food”, he asks. Well, this one was my husband’s favourite – he only died last week.”

“I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the guy. “May I ask how he died?”

“Oh, he was lying in the middle of the road licking his dick and a truck ran over him.”
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June 15, 2011 7:10pm
nasska

Points system to keep women happy

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed: +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows: 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets: -1
You leave the toilet seat up: -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty: 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex: -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom: -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5
In the snow: +8
But return with beer: -5
And no liners: -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It’s her cat: -40

AT A PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -10
With breast implants: -18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday: 0
You buy a card and flowers: 0
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar: +1
Okay, it is a sports bar: -2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night: -3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a mate 0
The mate is happily married: +1
The mate is single: -7
He drives a Ferrari: -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED): -15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie: +2
You take her to a movie she likes: +4
You take her to a movie you hate: +6
You take her to a movie you like: -2
It’s called Cop 3: -3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans: -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans: -15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly: -15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it: +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts: -30
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”: -800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
You hesitate in responding: -10
You reply, “Where?”: -35
You reply, “No, I think it’s your butt”: -100
Any other response: -20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem you listen, displaying a concerned expression: 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience: +50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, “Well, what do you think I should do?”: -50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV: +100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep: -20
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June 15, 2011 7:11pm
Steve

Catholic Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” What do they say?” the priest inquired.
They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?” That’s obscene!” the priest
exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
“You know,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read The Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My
parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.”
“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.” The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
“Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?” There was stunned silence
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, “Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been
answered!”
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June 15, 2011 7:14pm
Steve

nasska wins

Who’s gonna beat that?
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June 15, 2011 7:25pm
starboard

another oldie but a goody

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, ‘I wish I had bigger tits’. The boyfriend says ‘well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months’. ‘How will that help to make my tits bigger?’ asks the girlfriend.
‘Well it worked on your ass’ says the boyfriend.
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June 15, 2011 7:31pm
mikenmild

Another oldie:

“Doctor, doctor, I can’t stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home.”

“Oh, you’ve got the Tomes Jones Syndrome”

“Is that very common?”

“It’s not unusual.”
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June 15, 2011 7:44pm
nasska

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a .45 revolver. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!”

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife,” the man said. “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Six shots were heard, one shot after another. The agents heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, “This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
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June 15, 2011 7:50pm
Steve

Herd of Cows loose near Hamilton.
No I never heard.
But this is real
http://www.newstalkzb.co.nz/newsdetail1.asp?storyID=198690

‘The herd made their way from a secure paddock and are wandering around on streets that have 100km/h speed limits’
Speed cameras needed
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June 15, 2011 7:59pm
niggly

Bloody pissed myself when I saw WO’s Labour LET’S NOT billboard parody 🙂

http://whaleoil.gotcha.co.nz/index.php/2011/06/lets-not/

Hmm, one could do some really interesting piss-takes with that LET’s NOT billboard now, eh!
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June 15, 2011 8:36pm
niggly

LABOUR: Let’s keep hushed up about the Darren Hughes saga.

GOFF: Feck it, LET’S NOT!
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June 15, 2011 8:42pm
Pauleastbay

The Woman Marine Pilot

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mummy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

”Good Heavens,’ said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”

“Don’t Fuck with Mummy when she’s been drinking.”
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June 15, 2011 8:52pm
Steve

When will Trevor speak about Liabore’s security on RED BLERT?
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June 15, 2011 9:04pm
adze

Lol, Lindsay Perigo was lost for words for a change just now on Back Benches…
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June 15, 2011 9:27pm
Pauleastbay

Queensland win again, mass suicides in NSW football community, happiness filled
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June 15, 2011 9:30pm
Hurf Durf

Le Roi Soleil blames ATMs for high unemployment rate.

But he’s so smart and nuanced and intelligent and witty and etc etc.
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June 15, 2011 9:43pm
lilman

Mildmike-Really astounding your post on Hughes political career.

I couldnt give a rats arse about his political career,
if it were a girl he hit on he would have been toast,and rightly
Seriously- fuck him ,little wanker,hope he rots on the sidelines.
As for the complainant ,poor guy for the rest of his life hes going to have this in mind,every day.

Hughes is lucky,man is he lucky.
I hate arseholes who destroy peoples lives.
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June 15, 2011 10:22pm
Sonny Blount

Hurf Durf (2,737) Says:
June 15th, 2011 at 9:43 pm
Le Roi Soleil blames ATMs for high unemployment rate.

But he’s so smart and nuanced and intelligent and witty and etc etc.

The guy is a total embarassment as President.

At least he’ll be gone in 18 months.
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June 15, 2011 10:34pm
side show bob

Great jokes guys, thanks.
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June 16, 2011 12:26am
Viking2

SO BLOODY PREDICTABLE
0 KMH FOR EVERYONE
Stop Moving
Lie still in bed life will get you.
Nats. as bad as any socialist can ever be.

Zero tolerance on speeding ‘all the time’
ANDREA VANCE
Last updated 05:00 16/06/2011

A zero tolerance on speeding to cut road deaths should be in force outside holiday weekends, Police Minister Judith Collins says.

Police first trialled a lowered tolerance of breaking the speed limit at Queen’s Birthday Weekend in 2010 and then said it would be permanent during all holiday periods.

This year, for the first time since records began in 1951, no-one died on the roads during a holiday weekend.

Now Ms Collins has suggested the policy, which she described as staggeringly successful, should be broadened beyond long weekends.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/5150035/Zero-tolerance-on-speeding-all-the-time

What a load of unmitigated crap.
And a lie as well for their was a death. The person was on a footpath and was run over by a car backing out of a driveway. But this weekend this wasn’t a road death whereas any other day it is.
Politicians and police spin doctors tell lies obviously thinking that we can’t tell otherwise. Bloody stupid.

Next it will be no drinking allowed Alcohol banned forever, no sex except for wayward pollies.
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June 16, 2011 6:44am
Viking2

Gillard’s ratings slump after carbon tax
Last updated 21:34 15/06/2011

HANGING ON: Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard’s approval ratings have fallen to 30 per cent, but she is still the preferred leader over rival Tony Abbott.
Australia

Support for Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard is now even lower than that of her predecessor whom she ousted almost a year ago, driven down by her government’s push to impose a deeply unpopular tax on carbon emissions.

Aussies got more brains than Kiwi voters obviously.
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June 16, 2011 6:47am
Pauleastbay

V2

it won’t happen, the technology is not accurate enough . the reason there has always been a 5 kmph waiver is that is the tolerance of individual machines. And if anyone says this isn’t true they are bullshitting.

To bugger this up just ask for disclosure on the file firstly and then ask to have the calibration done on the unit used on you. This takes days and involves it being sent away from the home station and they do not have enough units to allow this.
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June 16, 2011 6:55am
Manolo

Not bad for a defender of the poor, uh? http://thehill.com/blogs/on-the-money/801-economy/166599-pelosis-net-worth-rises-62-percent-
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June 16, 2011 7:26am
Manolo

So much for the “change and hope” promised by the Messiah: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0611/56993.html
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June 16, 2011 7:33am

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