The Martian Audit

Oliver Hartwich has written a very enjoyable satirical novella, called The Martian Audit. An extract from Chapter 1:

Xylos lowered the ramp. He stepped out, ready to embrace the acoustic guitar lifestyle.

He was met with a silence that was not so much peaceful as it was litigious.

A white ute sat by the fence line. Leaning against it was a man.

He was not smiling. He did not have a dog. He was wearing a high-visibility vest that seemed to absorb the joy from the surrounding air.

He checked his watch. He checked the landing struts. He made a note on his clipboard.

“Greetings,” Xylos said, extending a long, slender hand. “We come from the Valles Marineris. We seek the simple life shown on your transmission Country Calendar.”

The man looked up. His name tag read WAYNE. His eyes were the colour of a council meeting room wall.

“Afternoon,” Wayne said. “South Wairarapa District Council.

You the owner of this structure?”

“It is a Class-4 Interstellar Transport,” Xylos corrected.

“Right,” Wayne said. “So, a non-consented dwelling.”

He walked around the ship, tapping the hull with a pen. “You’re in a Significant Natural Landscape overlay. You’ve exceeded the height-to-boundary ratio. And judging by the sheen on this alloy, you’re well over the visual reflectivity limits. I’m going to have to issue an abatement notice.”

The novella is free to download and read.