Why Can’t You Be Like Paula Bennett? – Guest Post by Tara te Heke

August 9th, 2009 at 8:19 am by Tara te Heke

There’s been heaps written about but I can understand where she’s coming from. She’s escaped into a new world. A better world for her and the whanau. She’s broken the dependency cycle.

Her daughter though is taking the old world with her and that’s all I will say on that matter judging that decision.  Than there must be relief today in the papers that her and the “baby Daddy” have broken up.  For now anyway.

The point of that comment is that Paula Bennett now earns $200,000 a year+, wears suits, gets free travel and has status in society. Wicked for her and I’m pleased for her. But when your kid has got a problem, money can’t necessarily solve the problem, but it is better than being broke. Much better than being broke.

Bennett has connections now. She can get the father of her grandbaby help inside.  She can help him when she gets out.  Or not if she wants.

Bennett’s story is an exception. Although she’s a “rolemodel”, most of us will never get there. We won’t be so lucky. We are looking to Paula to deal with many issues. She’s going to fail because the issues are so massive.

1. Like reigning in the deadbeat Dads and making the public get down on them as much if not more than us.

2. Like making people realise that individual responsibility and choice is all fine and good, but try doing that with three kids, ill parents, and generations of debt, failure and dependency.

3. Like making those of us on wonder why families in NZ earning income we can only dream of, are also receiving in the form of working for families?

That’s a good point. Welfare is for people who genuinely need it. I can live off my income from the state, why can’t a family with only one kid live off theirs that is twice or three times mine? Why are they now a beneficiary?  They are like us.

Paula Bennett has done really well for herself. But if another middle class, well-dressed person asks me why all of us can’t be like Paula, I will scream!

I have three kids. I have no one to turn to in order to look after them while I am either at training or working. I’d love to go work with adults, speaking adult and not baby. I can’t afford childcare so what do you do? If someone looked after my kids during the day I wouldn’t need an excuse, I’d work again. While it’s not fun to work in a low wage job, it is what adults do and I can’t wait until my children are at school and old enough to let me get back in there.

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204 Responses to “Why Can’t You Be Like Paula Bennett? – Guest Post by Tara te Heke”

  1. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Good questions Tara.

    1 & 3 could possibly be addressed with some good policy but 2, jeez, who knows how to swing that cat around.

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  2. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “I have three kids. I have no one to turn to in order to look after them while I am either at training or working.”

    Where is your husband and the father of the children?

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  3. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Read the earlier post, duuuude.

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  4. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    This dumbarse had three kids to a guy who was (if we accept her story) a drunken vicious savage, and we have to pay for it??

    When do they start taking responsibility for “hooking up” with psychopaths??

    When do they start taking responsibility for having children to men who so obviously cannot provide the framework needed to raise and nurture children.?

    She is as much to blame as her so called husband, and the real problem here is the currency of marriage has been so devalued by Progressives that in many minds it amounts to nothing more than a means to legitimize casual sex.

    What was she looking for when she “hooked up”??

    “At 19 I found the man of my dreams there. Big, strong and brown.”

    Did she give any thought at all to this “big strong and brown” man’s ability to provide a home, a nurturing place for a family, and the rock steady attitude that underpins fatherhood??

    Not a chance.

    It was all about immediate and gratuitous satisfying of primal urges, with family and home and respect and responsibility kept right out of the picture.

    Get some damn civilisation.

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  5. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    and enter stage left, the angry part of white middle aged male computer geekoids.

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  6. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    Stage right dipshit.

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  7. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    Read the earlier post, duuuude. Read it. Properly.

    And get some damn civilisation.

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  8. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    It was for the benefit of others. Laughing at you, not with you etc.

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  9. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    aw, ickle reddie has been negative karma’ing me, diddums.

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  10. Poliwatch (335 comments) says:

    Tara

    I reckon you should ring Paula (maybe she should ring you). I an see a job as a speech writer for her – and based at home so you can look after the kids and stay close to the issues rather than some bureaucrat whose idea of reality is lunch on Lambton Quay.

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  11. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    Paula can only have so many speech writers.

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  12. Poliwatch (335 comments) says:

    Redbaiter, is there some woman that has taken responsibility for hooking up with you?

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  13. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Life is about choices.

    You can do anything you want in life. Anything.

    But everything you do has consequences.

    Sorry Tara, but contraception would have made a difference.

    Choosing a better temperament man would have made a difference.

    You naturally get the picture.

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  14. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Hey Red,

    Kicking back after a bbq jerk chicken, coconut rice and a few St Peters Ales. Been a good day playing with the kids making marble runs and watching a movie.

    What you been doing to get your blood pressure up to stroke presure at 0830 hrs in NZ?

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  15. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    Don’t stray from the script here Glutaemus- grovelling patronising PC sycophancy is what is mandated.

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  16. billyborker (1,102 comments) says:

    Wh would Paula need a speech writer – she has admitted she can’t understand anything more tha a single piece of paper with 20 words or less and a few colour pics.

    Paula Bennet – NZ’s very own home grown Sarah I’m To Stupid To Do My Job Palin.

    Red whines “Did she give any thought at all to this “big strong and brown” man’s ability to provide a home, a nurturing place for a family, and the rock steady attitude that underpins fatherhood??”

    Maybe you should ASK her reddy, instead of ASSuming. Not everyone’s life is Leave It To Beaver, maybe you need to grow up and see the world as it is, not as your 1950’s Americana mindset views it.

    I’m surprised you haven’t asked Tara to show you some birth certificates, too.

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  17. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “the real problem here is the currency of marriage”

    Forty years ago in a similar situation they would probably have got married. Then what would have been different? Likely more social and financial pressure to stay in an abusive relationship.

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  18. 3-coil (1,220 comments) says:

    billyborker (9:02am) – that would be “…too stupid…” not “to”.

    It helps to get your werds wright if you are mocking Palin’s/someone else’s lack of intelligence :-)

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  19. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    Cerium, take your sleazy dishonesty to some leftist blog. That’s where they do things like quoting truncated phrases to alter their meaning.

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  20. billyborker (1,102 comments) says:

    hey threecee, I’ a great speller, but a ratshit typist. mmm’kay?

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  21. billyborker (1,102 comments) says:

    Redbaiter (7116) Vote: 0 0 Says:

    August 9th, 2009 at 9:10 am
    Cerium, take your sleazy dishonesty to some leftist blog. That’s where they do things like quoting truncated phrases to alter their meaning.

    You mean like Bush and Cheney?

    Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East…. The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled…. This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people’s enemies before a New Age begins.

    G W Bush to Jacques Chirac.

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  22. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    ” I’ a great speller, ”

    You’re not great at anything other than self worship. Go away you low IQ narcissistic bore. You and your ilk are making Kiwiblog uninteresting and unreadable.

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  23. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    “I have no one to turn to in order to look after them while I am either at training or working. I’d love to go work with adults, speaking adult and not baby. I can’t afford childcare so what do you do?”

    Have you not heard of Philu? – you two should hook up, you’d be perfect.

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  24. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “She is as much to blame as her so called husband, and the real problem here is the currency of marriage has been so devalued by Progressives that in many minds it amounts to nothing more than a means to legitimize casual sex.”

    Forty years ago in a similar situation they would probably have got married. Then what would have been different? Likely more social and financial pressure to stay in an abusive relationship.

    “When do they start taking responsibility for having children to men who so obviously cannot provide the framework needed to raise and nurture children.?”

    Anyone who gets into a relationship and starts a family, married or not, has no idea what they are getting into, and what sort of a parent the partner will turn out to be, how the partner will react under family pressure, work pressure, financial pressure.

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  25. Ruby (105 comments) says:

    How come you didn’t get an abortion for your twins? I know it’s too late now but that could’ve solved a lot of problems for you early on.

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  26. Seán (397 comments) says:

    DPF – what other irrational nutters do you have for us as guest posters?

    Tara – you said “Although she’s [Paula Bennet] a “rolemodel”, most of us will never get there. We won’t be so lucky.” …but those in similar original situations don’t have to reach Paula’s status. Just getting off dependency and being your own person is a bloody good start. Surely that is self-motivating and therefore a road to success?! Where else do you want to go?

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  27. Ruby (105 comments) says:

    Have you ever visited Church before, often a lot of Churches have volunteers who would be more than happy to take care of your kids if you need help with that, I’d recommend mainstream Pentecostal ones as they’re often full of rich, white, middle class desperate housewives whose dreams are to be like Angelina Jolie and help poor people while wearing diamonds.

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  28. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “Just getting off dependency and being your own person is a bloody good start.”

    Seán, have you ever been on dependency with three dependents? With any dependents? Even in a two partner relationship with reasonable finances with a young family you hardly have time to be your own person. You are your family’s person.

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  29. billyborker (1,102 comments) says:

    Cum on redmater, contribute to the debate or fuck off yourself. No one here is interested in your abuse, your insults or your worship of a woman who looks good when comapred to a cadaver and has as much political clout.

    Seems to me that Tara, Cerium and expat have far more experience of real life thatn you do, you DO know that there vare TV shows other than Father Knows Best and My Three Sons? Don’t you?

    Very few of us can predict next weeks, let alone anything beyond, life happens, we get on with it and deal with it. Or, in your case, hide from it in a dark room, emerging 2 or 3 times a week to snipe at thsoe who are succeeding and struggling but at least unafraid of the dark.

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  30. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Anyone who gets into a relationship and starts a family, married or not, has no idea what they are getting into, and what sort of a parent the partner will turn out to be, how the partner will react under family pressure, work pressure, financial pressure.”

    In your progressive world that is right you numbskull. You’re conceding my point and you are too damn thick to even recognise it.

    There was a time when such concepts as courtship, lengthy engagement, and parental approval all played a significant part in marriage, and it was awarded a social status far above the casual hook up into bed in thirty seconds approach that exists today. My complaint is that this traditional approach has been deliberately broken down by Progressive politics. Are you really so damn thick you cannot grasp this??

    You never get the damn point and are another fuckwit clogging this forum with low IQ jerkoff self absorbed opinion. Fuck off and take Borker and Ure and MNIJ and Mickey Savage with you. You’re making Kiwiblog a refuse tip for clapped out left wing rubbish.

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  31. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Been married for 26 years. Was with my Wife for 7 years before getting wed.

    Haven’t been a perfect Dad, or Father. We never are. But despite all the challenges. There have been plenty.

    We continue to box on, and make the most of what there is. Everytime we meet another challenge, we take a deep breath and

    plod on. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

    Our two children are a blessing, but even so we have had our ups and downs.

    Life is like that. It is just a test!

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  32. mickysavage (786 comments) says:

    Hey this is one of the most interesting and thoughtful things I have read on Kiwiblog. Two things struck chords with me:

    1. Paula succeeded because society supported her and allowed her to get off the benefit by educating herself. This is really good policy, it reduces dependence on the state, gives people a sense of pride and improves life for their kids. Now why did she destroy the chance she had for women currently on the DPB?

    2. For those working families who feel a sense of unfairness at the level of benefits there is a three word answer, working for families. You should take a minute to remember and thank Helen and Michael for this.

    Keep it up Tara. It is good to see the life story of someone who right now has the need for state assistance.

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  33. Adolf Fiinkensein (2,903 comments) says:

    Kia ora e Tara

    Well may you wonder why wealthy families receive vast sums of money from tax payers.

    They were being bribed by Clark and Cullen who thought erroneously the money would buy their votes and lock them as welll into welfare dependency. Philip Field has had his day in court but we are yet to see Clark and Cullen account for their crimes against New Zealanders.

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  34. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    micky:
    1. yeah, more or less
    2. no, wff is too much for too many, and it’s going to be damned hard getting off it.

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  35. billyborker (1,102 comments) says:

    Life is like that. It is just a test!
    mickysavage (484) Vote: 0 0 Says:

    August 9th, 2009 at 9:27 am
    Hey this is one of the most interesting and thoughtful things I have read on Kiwiblog. Two things struck chords with me:

    1. Paula succeeded because society supported her and allowed her to get off the benefit by educating herself. This is really good policy, it reduces dependence on the state, gives people a sense of pride and improves life for their kids. Now why did she destroy the chance she had for women currently on the DPB?

    I keep asking the same question of those who had state funded university education denying it to those who followed them to uni.

    I keep asking it of those who had state funded secondary education denying it to today’s teenagers.

    I keep asking it of thsoe who had state funded primary education denying it to today’s kiddies.

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  36. Media hater (2 comments) says:

    Sounds tough, Tara. I guess being ‘big, strong and brown’ ain’t what it’s cracked up to me, ay?

    Nevermind, that’s your problem. Don’t understand why David Farrar thinks anyone needs to be subjected to your snivelling. I already pay for the upkeep of you and your children.

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  37. billyborker (1,102 comments) says:

    Adolf Fiinkensein (1054) Vote: 0 0 Says:

    August 9th, 2009 at 9:27 am
    Kia ora e Tara

    Well may you wonder why wealthy families receive vast sums of money from tax payers.

    They were being bribed by Clark and Cullen who thought erroneously the money would buy their votes and lock them as welll into welfare dependency.

    You mall well say that, but I couldn’t possibly comment.

    Actually, I can. This is not a situation unique to NZ. Why the very same thing was done is Oz by Little Johnny Howard. And just like in NZ, the people kept the cash, but the government lost their votes.

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  38. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “There was a time when such concepts as courtship, lengthy engagement, and parental approval all played a significant part in marriage, and it was awarded a social status far above the casual hook up into bed in thirty seconds approach that exists today.

    And it resulted in many abusive relationships that were encouraged by society to continue “until death”.

    Talking about abusive relationships Red, you seem to know all about those. Just as well the blog is a casual hook up.

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  39. lilman (960 comments) says:

    Unfortunately you have yourself to blame.
    Guess what??, Life is tough, bloody tough at times,you have to grow up and stop whining eventualy and when you do things genneraly happen.
    What never ceases to amaze me is that people with trouble and pain in their lives really think”IM THE ONLY ONE”.
    The reality is so far from the truth,most people are running their lives under huge pressure.
    Do you think that car ,house and education is paid for without pain, without fretting how the hell are we going to spin it for another week ,to srvive and pay the rent and feed the children?
    Come on you need to grow up.
    YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE!
    Over the years I and my family have struggled, god knows we have struggled to keep above water and to look back now we often say “did we rally do that?”, its quite stunning.
    Worked for no pay at the mill for weeks when boss told us things were in crisis.Taken children to work in car for night shift as it took too long to tavel and get them ready for school ,feeding them in the car ,tea and breakfast.
    Going to firms and shops to work in back ,cleaning to just pay the intrest on our accounts ,so they wouldnt bankrupt us or throw us out of the house we rented.
    Wife working at school as caretaker ,not for money, but to pay for school trips and fees,in 6 years never recieved any pay but she worked 30 hours a week and god were we gratefull for it.
    Working for local farmer,free labour of 8 hours so we could have the right to pick up sheep shit and then sell it at local garden centres, after they had taken 4 Dollars a bag, but we owed them for with out itwe would not have made it.
    Never had a bennefit, never been to work and income and I only hope I wont , but it comes down to attitude not circumstance, so HARDEN THE F*##*K UP.

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  40. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “And it resulted in many abusive relationships that were encouraged by society to continue “until death”.”

    Bullshit. Don’t waste your time trying to lay your precious Progressive lies on me dipshit. Marriage and family breakdown are a product of the Progressive society you support, and as an outcome we see massive rises in levels of crime, violence, appalling amorality, and an overall degeneration of the human condition.

    You have no stats or any other evidence to prove that there were “many abusive relationships’. This is a myth generated to sustain progressive political ideology. If you were truly worried about “abusive relationships” you would not be cheering for a status quo that is about as low in terms of a functioning society as this country has ever sunk to.

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  41. ross (1,437 comments) says:

    > She’s broken the dependency cycle.

    Has she really? Who’s paying her salary, her travel expenses, her accommodation, her meals, etc, etc? If she has truly grown as a person, she wouldn’t be releasing private details about beneficiaries’ incomes. She might have scored a ministerial position, but she is not educated and may want to reflect on what she needs to do to gain some respect.

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  42. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    Tara. Your point #2, “Like making people realise that individual responsibility and choice is all fine and good, but try doing that with three kids”

    It makes better sense if you exercise the ‘choice’ on whether to have the three kids in the first place

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  43. William J (44 comments) says:

    Tara – that is very courageous of you to share your life with a bunch of strangers. It must have been very difficult writing that and feeling the pain come back again while you revisit those memories. You have a lot of strength and I really admire you for that and for sharing your story. It is a real privilege when someone opens up to others so honestly – so thank you. I think your life is going to be a whole lot different now and you’re going to be just fine. I wish you all the best. Here’s to a new life for you and your kids!

    P.S I am absolutely shocked at the comments written by people like Redbaiter – people like him are just ignorant and lack the ability to think outside their own world. They’ve got a low EQ (emotional intelligence) so will have very limited skills in relating to other people who have had different experiences than they have. Other people reading your blog have an enormous amount of admiration for you and completely understand. So don’t let people like Redbaiter upset you – they’re just blinded by their own ignorance. Kia Kaha!

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  44. jcuknz (704 comments) says:

    It is tough for Tara, she got herself in the poo and is paying the penalty. It would be good for the Government to pay for some child care but really it has other priorities, it is what the previous Labour Government could and should have done, it has been needed from way back. But in the current climate do we want another woman looking for a job. That is a hypocracy of our times, likely from way back, becuase the petty ‘envy haters’ have been around since Adam was a boy, we critise Tara for being a bene for getting in the position she is, we don’t provide the means for her to do other than keep house, people herald the virtues of the mother who stays at home bringing up the kids, so long as she has a husband doing the grind … it is all a contradictory crazy mix up. Tara is a little mixed up when she enjoins responsibility and choice is Ok until you get three kids …. the point is that respnsibility is you simply don’t have three kids …. if the dumb macho male won’t use a sheath then organise something for yourself, why didn’t she get such advice from the time she became fertile, at school if not at home. The choice for whatever reason was to be irresponsibile, possibily due to ignorance. But we all make choices and pay for them. It is sad that Tara hinks she has to wait a decade or more to stop hearing ‘baby talk’. But surely she is not the only one in her position so get together with others and support each other.

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  45. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “P.S I am absolutely shocked at the comments written by people like Redbaiter”

    Yeah, like most progressives, honesty is a one way street right? Truth shall not be spoken if it conflicts with your twisted leftist sensibilities. Its because Tara has been all her life fed the kind of sickening whining PC crap exampled by you, at the expense of harsh truth, that she is in the position she is.

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  46. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    Truth shall not be spoken if it conflicts with your twisted sensibilities.

    Red, often what you write could be an autobiography. Your one way street of self deceit.

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  47. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    William J – “people like redbaiter” have the courage to say what many people think but are too afraid to after 9 years of full left wing PC indoctrination. Agree or disagree with him is your choice, but I, like him do not have a great deal of admiration (courage) for anyone who makes piss poor decisions and then expects the state (taxpayer) to cover for them.

    I have spent a couple of years raising my children as a solo dad, have a full time job and have not once put my hand out to anyone. This isn’t about low EQ. This is about the mindset of unaffordable state assistance, getting people to stand on their own two feet

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  48. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Redbaiter, what did you mean?

    I am being thick again.

    I don’t post here for qudos. I post here to express my thoughts. Makes me feel better, and if anyone gets something from it

    then fine. if they don’t like it then fine.

    Had far too many real knocks to worry about sentiment. Like I said before. Life is a test.

    Life is never boring.

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  49. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    So, why did you get up so angry on a Sunday morning Red?

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  50. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    small dick?

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  51. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “I have spent a couple of years raising my children as a solo dad, have a full time job and have not once put my hand out to anyone.”

    William J- Any praise for Patrick as illustrious as you allowed Tara?

    Come on. What’s holding you back?

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  52. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “You have no stats or any other evidence to prove that there were “many abusive relationships’. ”

    I haven’t got this evidence. But most was swept under the community carpet. But I have seen it and seen the results of it.

    But I could be mistaken. Maybe all the serviceman returned from war well balanced and emotionally stable. All men got home after the six o’clock swill to enjoy a family meal, help with the dishes, read to their kids and get them off to bed. And then settle into to enjoy their loving relationships for the evening.

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  53. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Red, you really are an angry little man. How much time do you spend dicking around so you can vote multiple karma points against people?

    You had any breakfast or do you prefer a stomach of bile?

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  54. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Redbaiter, what did you mean?”

    Sigh… When Gluty? If you meant my post at 9.01 it was sarcastic but meant to be in the end, supportive of your perspective.

    For someone who was born in AD152, you’re a bit slow on the uptake, or is it that you have mispelled your name and its really Gluteus maximus- the largest and most superficial of the three gluteal muscles. It makes up a large portion of the shape and appearance of the buttocks. It is a broad and thick fleshy mass of a quadrilateral shape. The muscle is remarkably coarse in structure.

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  55. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “I haven’t got this evidence.”

    That’s right. You’re all bullshit and assertion. Go away. Attention seeking bore.

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  56. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Having got to a point of employing nearly 400 individuals. I began to understand the enormity of that responsibility.

    It was a moment of clarity, that made us sell the UK business. Having loved the Industry, respected our troops. Had great times with

    loads of lovely clients. It was very apparent that we were unable to continue as we were. The EU, and Westminster/Whitehall made that

    all too hard to do.

    Socialist interference, rules, bans, and a pervading sense of entitlement was too hard to fight against.

    We had a minority of staff stealing, shirking, whinging etc. It wasn’t their real view. Just a by-product of a corrupt socialist, dogma driven administration.

    So pleased that we have now left all that behind. But is the reason why I feel so passionate about stopping the rot in NZ.

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  57. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    expat, you are on the money here!

    red shows no empathy, no humanity, and no humour ever!

    Come on red, when I get back to godzone, I will let you do a Trevor on me! Hope you are as tough as you post. otherwise it wouldn’t be fair!

    Onanist.

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  58. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    That’s right. You’re all bullshit and assertion.

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  59. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    :)

    I was smirking in agreement until the last line GM.

    Then I pissed myself laughing.

    Onanist indeed, albeit on a restricted license.

    Countdown to big bird home, 4 months, woohoo!

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  60. wikiriwhis business (4,019 comments) says:

    “Did she give any thought at all to this “big strong and brown” man’s ability to provide a home, a nurturing place for a family, and the rock steady attitude that underpins fatherhood??”

    Only post I’ve given you a negative karma red.

    She was 19, not 91 with the forsight and memories of an elephant. She had a good paying job, sounded drug free, and met a dreamy guy. Not bad going.

    Jumped in too fast? Course she did. She wasn’t a player by the sounds of it. she learnt a hard lesson, really hard.

    But in only two posts I can see what a mature, dependable, realistic adult she is now. David was a genius entrusting her to this blog instead of some boring political commentator. I’m in glee. She’ll have Tapu Misa talking about her next. Then her own column.

    There’s only one thing she should never do

    Go away.

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  61. vibenna (305 comments) says:

    Redbaiter – if society has gone to the dogs, why are we living longer, healthier and happier lives? (There are exceptions of course: you don’t seem to be very happy, for example).

    I think in the USA, Tara Te Heke would be hugely admired for what she is doing; taking control of her life, using her talents, trying to join community, looking for opportunities to improve herself. That is, of course, the American dream.

    So well done Tara. Your struggle against adversity is an example to us all.

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  62. William J (44 comments) says:

    I have sympathy for Tara because she was bought up in a disfunctional family where the decisions she made and the values she had were just those that were taught to her by her own family. She was in an environment where everybody she knew made the same decisions she did and had the same values – it was a way of life. It takes a great deal of strength and independent thought to break through that and go against everything you have been taught since birth. It also means breaking away from everything and everybody that is part of the disfunctional life you once led – as you basically become a different person and no-one in your old life understands your new decisions. So it’s a major process she has gone through involving a tug of war between the values of her upbringing and her new set of values. You try doing something against all the values you were bought up with and which will bring disapproval from friends and family and isolate you. It’s not that easy – especially when your self-esteem has been beaten out of you. She may have been living on tax payers money for a period in her life – but she’s not now and her kids probably won’t be as they are, thanks to their mum, in a whole new and functional environment now. So I commend her, rather than criticize her.

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  63. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Only post I’ve given you a negative karma red.”

    That’s OK Wiki.

    Without negative karma on Kiwiblog, my life would be so empty.

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  64. billyborker (1,102 comments) says:

    Glutaemus Maximus (2058) Vote: 1 0 Says:

    August 9th, 2009 at 10:30 am
    expat, you are on the money here!

    red shows no empathy, no humanity, and no humour ever!

    Any why should he? The lack of humour, humanity and empathy are straight out of the Rush Limbaugh school red so prostrates himself before.

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  65. Herman Poole (297 comments) says:

    1. Paula succeeded because society supported her and allowed her to get off the benefit by educating herself. This is really good policy, it reduces dependence on the state, gives people a sense of pride and improves life for their kids. Now why did she destroy the chance she had for women currently on the DPB?

    I keep asking the same question of those who had state funded university education denying it to those who followed them to uni.

    I keep asking it of those who had state funded secondary education denying it to today’s teenagers.

    I keep asking it of thsoe who had state funded primary education denying it to today’s kiddies.

    borker/mikey

    Two wrongs don’t make a right

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  66. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Mr Baiter is true to his name.

    I may be old, fat, bald with a low IQ.

    But the old silverback has plenty of bite. 3 Yoofs in Hamilton decided that I was far too hard a target to roll.

    Interesting to see them run. The big one with a very bad limp, and the smallest with some blood injuries.

    Happy times.

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  67. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    There but for the grace of God (good luck, good friends, good family, opportunity and application), go (you or) I Red.

    I totally agree that the social welfare mentalityin NZ has gone beyond the pale however when Richard Seddon laid the foundation for a safety net of welfare in this country he moved society forward from a feudal frontier landscape to a modern liberal democracy without which you wouldn’t have the freedom to act like such an ass.

    Secondly, everyone with some exceptions, is due a second chance from a modern society subject to making reciprocal effort. If you have such a problem with this modicum of grace and goodwill I suggest you move to somewhere more aligned to your view of the world, say a small village in Northen Pakistan.

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  68. vibenna (305 comments) says:

    Actually, perhaps Redbaiter could give us an example of a society he admires? Either current, or historical. Who is getting it right, in your view, Redbaiter? I think that is a fair question, given your rhetoric.

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  69. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “I may be old, fat, bald with a low IQ.”

    Well fancy that. Never have guessed.

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  70. Herman Poole (297 comments) says:

    “There was a time when such concepts as courtship, lengthy engagement, and parental approval all played a significant part in marriage, and it was awarded a social status far above the casual hook up into bed in thirty seconds approach that exists today.

    And it resulted in many abusive relationships that were encouraged by society to continue “until death”.

    Jesus you are a pinhead Cerium.

    Recognizing the purpose and importance of courtship and sticking out the tough times does not prevent someone excaping abuse.

    Although if abuse occours something was done wrong at courtship.

    Also recognising the values of another time or place can be done seperately to other practises of that time or place. If it is suggested that old-fashioned values of courstship and family were useful for society, that does not imply that those values are inseperable from every other old-fashioned taboo or practise such as slavery etc.

    In your logic home cooking would encourage abusive relationships “until death”

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  71. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    OFFS, Red has now turned into Eminem, or Shady?

    “Without negative karma on Kiwiblog, my life would be so empty.”

    Tell us about your life experiences then Red. I have made loads of mistakes. Learnt a lot, and hungry to learn much more.

    Tell me why you have the right to pontificate, and hide behind weak viewers karma ratings.

    They never post, just giggle when they vote for a potential dictator.

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  72. Herman Poole (297 comments) says:

    The state cannot prevent people from having children with the wrong person. Just as the state cannot prevent you walking off a cliff.

    Nothing can fix or undo this mistake.

    So make damn sure you don’t do it.

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  73. Falafulu Fisi (2,179 comments) says:

    Why is color relevant here? I am not white, but it seems that lots of public discussions today in our media/internet revolve around being poor, black, uneducated like it is my neighbour’s faults/problems. I point fingers at myself for not achieving/getting nice things that others have. Privilege is not the same thing as of a right. As an immigrant polynesian to this country, I don’t differentiate the next person from me. The next person is a person whether he is black/white/brown, etc… I have aspirations to succeed in the world of business , not because I see myself as someone who is disadvantaged, poor, black or whatever PC terms that are being used today, trying to prove a point, BUT because, I wanted to be that way so badly that I have to follow that dream, as my dad, used to say when I was young, son, I grow taro & banana for a living, I had no eduction, but I hope that one day you will do better in education, so that you don’t have to end up doing this kind of intensive manual work (with no machinery at all) that I do in the farm, because I think that you wouldn’t survived doing farm work after a month. This kind of encouragement had made me determined that I would never get to go through of having daily blistering hands from doing intensive manual work (hoeing & digging with spades) in the family farm. My dad made it clear that if I wasn’t successful in education, then I made myself my own victim and no one else to blame.

    There is a victim mentality blaming game in this country that the underachievers have so far used to blame the society or the government for them being underachieved. This happens more often in my Pacific Island community and also the Maori community too. The underachievers should look up to Paula Bennett and ask, if she can do it, then so can I or anyone.

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  74. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Actually, perhaps Redbaiter could give us an example of a society he admires?”

    Actually, its amazing that you apparently need me to suggest one to you. Are you really that ignorant of history and geography that such an example is unknown to you? Seems that everything they say about the failure of the education system is so true.

    It takes no special knowledge to be aware of the fact that the degeneration of the NZ social condition is down to the Progressive political ideas that have taken root over the last few decades. Just ask your grandparents and great grandparents if they are still alive. They will I think be glad to inform you on the social history your politically driven tutors have deliberately concealed from you.

    Leftists have waged war on the family unit, because the nuclear family is the biggest obstacle to their political ambitions, and this (Tara’s condition and mentality) is the outcome.

    For an example of a functioning society, just look anywhere where Progressives have not achieved social ascendancy.

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  75. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Oh OMG, Red the Master baiter has given me some negative Karma.

    I doubt that I will be able to clean my moat in the morning!

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  76. mawm (211 comments) says:

    Ho humm….another debate about a slapper who made the wrong choices and now wants society to provide her with a free ride.

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  77. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Didn’t you know GM? Red is channelling Genghis Khan, without the charisma, leadership, vision, or balls.

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  78. starboard (2,537 comments) says:

    lilman (103) Vote: 11 5 Says:

    August 9th, 2009 at 9:41 am

    ..fuck, where’s me violin….

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  79. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Tell us about your life experiences then Red.”

    Haven’t had any yet Gluttonous. I write from the womb.

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  80. nickb (3,687 comments) says:

    Patrick your 9.55 are my thoughts exactly

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  81. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    William J. If I follow your logic the world may never have become civilised. Millions of people distinguish right from wrong by themselves every day.
    an example; I praise my kids for doing something exceptional butI don’t praise them for what is normal expected behaviour, despite their peer pressure it’s not ‘special’ to be good, its the standard they must live by.
    Are you suggesting the bar is now so low we must give praise for what was once recognised as societies normal standards?

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  82. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    So are you actually a Wombat?

    Go on Red, tell us some of your failures?

    Then please tell us how you have enriched other peoples lives.

    Or are you just a hologram?

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  83. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    The world changes Pat, adapt or die.

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  84. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    A NZ women would truly have to have amazing foresight to detect that if they picked the wrong man, she would end up on the dole and chained to a litter of snot nosed ankle biters. I mean, there’s only been about 100,000 women on the single mother’s benefit for about twenty or thirty or fourty damn years.

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  85. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Can you rephrase in coherent english please.

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  86. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    “The state cannot prevent people from having children with the wrong person”

    True, but surely the question must be; Would they have had children if the DPB didnt exist?
    Would the criteria for choosing a partner have been any different for some of these solo mums? – would they have chosen more wisely?

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  87. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Go on Red, tell us some of your failures?”

    Yielding to the temptation to enter into discourse with fuckwits like you.

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  88. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Pity Red, that you never did Classics. Name is spelt correctly, and incorrectly. Work out why?

    Yes, I am an arse. But an arse with a real world perspective. Nobody said that this life would ever be easy.

    Gone midnight here, but Tara has opened up a huge perspective of humanity.

    Suddenly, I feel more alive. More able to relate to real life and real issues.

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  89. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Ha ha ha, you’ve been getting your discourse tits out for years now Red, why so shy now? We all know your a skank.

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  90. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Fuckwits like me?

    Come on Red. Name your place of choice to beat the crap out of me!

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  91. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Work out why?”

    You think Russel Crowe is marvellous?

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  92. coolas (115 comments) says:

    Thanks to Tara for telling your story.

    What I hear is a woman who recognises she made bad choices and is now aware enough to make better choices in the future. I hear a mother who loves and cares for her children. And wants to be able to support her children by working when they go to school.

    Nothing in Tara’s bio and in this post suggests she is not taking responsibility for life now and doing the most to turn around her circumstances.

    If as a another post suggests ‘Life is a test,’ then I think Tara te Heke is learning well and will achieve top grades

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  93. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Russell is a Kiwi?

    Or just a drunk brawling twat?

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  94. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Or just a drunk brawling twat?”

    Careful. He occasionally reads Kiwiblog, and just might take you up on one of your frequent blustering invitations to pugilism.

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  95. vibenna (305 comments) says:

    Ah, I see Redbaiter is too cowardly to admit which societies he admires. Figures. All and piss and wind. No follow through.

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  96. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Bring it on!

    He is an actor! Just like the Hologram that is Redbaiter. No subsatnce. No life. Just rhetoric.

    Gosh, I wish that I was a successful as you?

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  97. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    Deleted by author

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  98. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    Vibenna, how come Singapore gets by so wonderfully without a massive social welfare budget, and their society is not burdened by legions of single mothers, drug sotted losers, criminals, long term unemployed, sickness beneficiaries and the like. Are all Singaporeans superhuman??

    (Your turn to answer the question)

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  99. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Gosh, I wish that I was a successful as you?”

    Well, maybe it’s your lack of education. That sentence does not need a question mark.

    Never mind. Don’t give up just yet.

    Have you looked into night school?

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  100. vibenna (305 comments) says:

    Aha, excellent. Thank you Redbaiter. Yes, I think Singapore is quite a good example. But they do have a massive subsidy from being astride a key trade route, and one of the busiest (if not the busiest) harbours in the world. All those ships aren’t just stopping there to supply Singapore.

    Also, I admire the Chinese entrepreneurial spirit and family values. So I’ll grant you a small point there. The point would be stronger without the massive trade subsidy.

    So how about turning the Singaporean example into practical recommendations for NZ policy?

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  101. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Night school might help!

    Open University might help! A lack of education is so obviously my problem.

    Good job you have the Interweb to keep you informed. So which University did you attend then Red? Overseas?

    Let me guess? Harvard? Caltec? MIT? LSE? Oxbridge? La Sorbonne?

    Fuck you must be proud.

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  102. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    DPF – do you think you could get these guys back on topic?

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  103. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “So how about turning the Singaporean example into practical recommendations for NZ policy?”

    Oh, I guess you must have missed the part about the influence of Progressive political ideas on social outcomes.

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  104. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “A lack of education is so obviously my problem.”

    A bit more than that actually.

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  105. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Well Red. Tell us about your enrichment of NZ society, apart from being a rhetorical bore.

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  106. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    “Well, maybe it’s your lack of education. That sentence does not need a question mark.”

    Well Red, obviously you never went to a GRAMMAR school.

    Do you actually have a life? Or are you just a one dimensional Hologram?

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  107. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Good Night Mr Baiter.

    Bored with you now. Perhaps you will go to the beach to-day and make sandcastles?

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  108. big bruv (13,929 comments) says:

    ” I can live off my income from the state”

    WRONG!

    You DO NOT get an income from the state, you get money that is taken from me (against my will) every week, I pay your wages (along with millions of other Kiwi’s) and I resent your lifestyle choice.

    You should not be able to live of that income, if anybody is going to give you money it should be the father (or fathers) of the kids or your own family.

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  109. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    “if anybody is going to give you money it should be ”

    ….or this lot http://www.kiwiblog.co.nz/2009/08/solomon_on_iwi_economy.html

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  110. vibenna (305 comments) says:

    Redbaiter, if progressive politics were the problem, shouldn’t Somalia, Afgahnistan, Uzbekistan and myriad other non-progressive states be as rich as Singapore? There must be more to it than that.

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  111. PaulL (5,987 comments) says:

    Tara, to your points:

    1. Deadbeat dads. Unfortunately there are two categories here. Those dads who are deadbeat because, well, they are deadbeats. And then those dads for whom “the system” has actively broken off contact with their children. Since they can’t see or spend time with the children they had, they go and get new ones. And it is hard to afford two families. One way to improve this would be to do something about shared parenting, and then following on from that, it would make sense to crack down on those who then don’t want to play.

    I’d also be all in favour of docking welfare for dads who have partners with children, except I suspect it wouldn’t work. Firstly, it creates an incentive to lie about who the father of your child is, secondly if he has a new family (also on welfare) then docking the welfare payments isn’t going to be real good for that new family. Ultimately the taxpayer is still the one paying, not the deadbeat dad, so I’m not sure this helps as much as you think it might.

    I would be asking what leads these guys to be deadbeat dads in the first place. Why are they so unemployable? Why do they think it is OK to bash their women? Why aren’t we asking those hard questions? Unfortunately it is a bit deeper than just dealing with deadbeat dads.

    2. Yes, life is hard. Most people’s lives are hard. The thing is, nobody ever promised otherwise. For all of human history until about 200 years ago, things have been that way. People made do, because to do otherwise was to die. I’m not saying that was good – humanity has become a lot more civilised in recent centuries. But conversely, the structures and arrangements we created in those earlier times saw a people through for thousands of years. Reliance on family and friends, strong marriages, and an element of doing what needed to be done.

    In recent times we’ve developed a society where people think they have a right to an easy life. That if things are hard then logically the state must help them, because it isn’t fair that life is hard. I have news for you. Nobody has it easy, life is hard for everyone. Some people manage to take that and make something of it, build a buffer so that they can be more secure. I don’t think the answer is to disparage them, the answer is to ask how other people can do the same.

    3. WFF. Most of us on here reckon it shouldn’t exist. The previous government invented it as an electoral bribe, the new government judged it politically unacceptable to remove it, despite clearly wanting to. I blame both of them, and the people who voted for both parties. It is clearly absurd to be paying that level of welfare to people with that level of income.

    Of course, the problem with any welfare, including that lower down the scale, is the abatement rates and therefore the ability to get yourself off welfare. And the more you try to target welfare to the poorest, the higher the abatement rates have to be. For you, Tara, I suspect there is very little take home pay left in, for example, doing 1 day of work a week. It probably wouldn’t pay for the child care, so like any logical person, you wouldn’t do it. But if you could keep all the money from that 1 day of work, no abatement of benefit, no tax, it would probably change your calculation a lot. And you’d find that you could maybe organise yourself with a couple of your friends – each of you work 1 or 2 days a week, and take care of each other’s children. Or maybe some other option. But why would you bother if you’re not going to end up any better off at the end of it all. The tax and abatement system is a mess in NZ at the moment.

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  112. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “DPF – do you think you could get these guys back on topic?”

    Funny that coming from you Patrick. Has the gang turned? But yeah, it is a shame such a good topic has been dragged into the usual.

    There are some mothers on the DPB as a lifestyle choice. Some are there through bad choices or bad luck, often a bit of both. Does anyone know of a breakdown of how many are there by choice?

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  113. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    actually aqueerium, it was a dig at you and the other hypocrites who complain to DPF about baiting

    (maybe you were a bit too short for that one?………….woosh)

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  114. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “Why aren’t we asking those hard questions? ”

    Maybe they have been asked. The solutions are harder than the questions. Some dads who move on avoid responsibility wherever they go. Some try to start again and find that multi family responsibilities are onerous.

    “the tax and abatement system is a mess in NZ at the moment.”

    Yes, but very difficult to get out of it. Inequities are addressed with patches that create more inequities. But wiping the slate and starting fresh is not easy at all. There will always be some taxpayers and some beneficiaries who are disadvantaged.

    It’s ironic that in times when we have never had it so easy (collectively, some get dealt a shit hand) then more people expect it to be made easier. As Matt McCarten says, from the top down.

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  115. bwakile (757 comments) says:

    People make choices and then expect everyone else to take responsiblity if those choices are wrong.
    As paulL points out above,in any other time in history this lady and her kids would be in deep shit unless they recieved charity.
    Government giving her our money for her bad choices is still a charity, but is begining to wear very thin.
    Her man lost his job. So what. Noone owes him a living.
    Expecting governments to create jobs, which seems to be the flavour of the month in our society, is absurd.
    Big governments stiffle job creation, waste wealth and destroy personal responsibility

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  116. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    The idea that the die out of simple concepts like chastity and fidelity might have something to do with NZ’s plight is an idea I guess that only deserves scorn and derision.

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  117. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “as rich as Singapore?”

    When you advance the idea that Tara’s plight is down to income relativity I recognise that you are light years away from ever understanding what I am talking about.

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  118. backster (2,174 comments) says:

    TARA ;;;”Ihave three kids. I have no one to turn to in order to look after them while I am either at training or working. I’d love to go work with adults, speaking adult and not baby. I can’t afford childcare so what do you do? If someone looked after my kids during the day I wouldn’t need an excuse, I’d work again. While it’s not fun to work in a low wage job, it is what adults do and I can’t wait until my children are at school and old enough to let me get back in there.”

    Why can’t the whanau of hubby and yourself help. I would have thought that you would have had an advantage over other ethnicities given the Marae and Kohanga Reo structure within Maoridom designed to give such advantages to Tangata Whenua.
    My impression of Paula on TV was that she would have been an excellent mother.

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  119. Redbaiter (13,197 comments) says:

    “Good Night Mr Baiter.”

    Good night Gluttonous. I don’t know why you get so bent out of shape. I actually have quite a high regard for you and your contributions. ( and I’m sure you were only joking about beating up pre-school kids in Hamilton.)

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  120. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    ‘..why can’t you be like paula bennett..?..”

    as in..to also step on the throats of those she used to dwell amongst..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  121. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    phool, Taras looking for a babysitter….

    she actually has some ambition to go out and work… If you two hooked up something might rub off on you (although I’d hate to think what might rub off on her)

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  122. PaulL (5,987 comments) says:

    I don’t get this perception that Paula Bennett has somehow cut off access to education. So far as I can tell, for someone on a benefit, the government will pay for:
    – 95% of the cost of the education (as it does for all NZers)
    – the full benefit, without any requirement to job seek (did I see an income equivalent to $50K a year mentioned?)
    – specific targeted amounts for things like car breakdowns and other unexpected out of pockets
    – I think they fund childcare whilst you’re studying, but I’m not sure about that

    In return, they’re asking the person studying to take an interest free loan for the residual 5% of the fees. Zero interest, and nothing payable until you have an income over the threshold – can’t recall what that threshold is at the moment, but I believe it is reasonably high.

    And this is what Phil and co are complaining about. Somehow here Paula is making life hard, she’s pulling up the ladder behind her having climbed it. I’m sorry, but I don’t buy it at all. There are no additional out of pockets here than there were before, only an interest free loan. And note that when Paula studied, that loan wasn’t interest free, so it isn’t a comparable situation.

    Quite honestly, I think the deal we have now is still too generous. I know people on welfare who study with no intention of ever using that qualification. They do it purely to avoid the need to job seek. And because it is free. I’m sorry, but that is a waste of government money. In the same way that funding silk scarf dying courses for middle aged house wives is a waste of money. And funding Spanish lessons for people over 65 is a waste of government money. It may make all those people more fulfilled, but I cannot justify taxing an apprentice who earns $25K per annum so that we can fund those things. I’d rather get rid of them and create a zero tax threshold for the first $25K of income.

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  123. paradigm (452 comments) says:

    There is no question that Tara made bad choices: getting married to someone who “gives you the bash” is not a good idea. Similarly thinking he would grow up if you had children was monumentally irresponsible. But thats all water under the bridge now, and all anyone can control are the decisions to be made from now on. This brings us to Tara’s current attitude:

    While it’s not fun to work in a low wage job, it is what adults do and I can’t wait until my children are at school and old enough to let me get back in there.

    This attitude seems pretty damn good to me. Perhaps the “OMGBENEFICIARYKILL” crowd should take note. She’s one I wouldn’t mind having my tax dollars help out.

    Tara, just do us one favour, make sure your kids don’t leave school at 16 like you did. Hound them relentlessly to do their homework, not wag etc. They’ll come out better for it, and toward the end, you might pick up a little bit of knowledge that you missed out on when you left school early.

    TARA – yes I will. I would hate them to end up like Redbaiter.

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  124. Viking2 (11,488 comments) says:

    Fix the tax system, fix the welfare problems.
    20% tax, 20% GST,no tax on less than $20000, slash welfare and especially welfare for the higher paid.WFF.
    Cut Govt spending to live within this cap.

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  125. Viking2 (11,488 comments) says:

    Have you all been conned???
    Now DPF would not be beyond pulling a stunt would he?
    Is this person a mythical person for the purposes of entertaining all the posters on a Sunday while he sits in the sum smiling and drinking up large !!

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  126. PaulL (5,987 comments) says:

    Has DPF’s new lady (presuming that is what he was suggesting in saying he had company on this cruise) demanded a “no blogging” holiday?

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  127. William J (44 comments) says:

    Patrick Starr – RE: 11.07am. I’m not sure if you understand what I am saying – your kids know right from wrong because they obviously have a great dad that tells them what is right and wrong – and you have also set them a very good example with the choices you have made as a responsible member of society. But if you were telling your kids to do all the wrong things all the time – and did these things yourself thereby leading a terrible example, you couldn’t blame your kids if it took them into their early adulthood to figure it all out for themselves and choose different role models and different company. Tara didn’t have any positive role models – the family/community that she lived in did exactly what she ended up by doing – until she broke free from it all. The good thing is she is now a better role model for her kids so has hopefully broken the cycle. I don’t like the idea of a welfare state any more than the next ‘centre righter’ but I do think there is room for compassion and encouragement for the people who do break cycles of family disfunction.

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  128. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    William J. I did understand what you were saying and notwithstanding I didn’t have my children for longer than I did, and also mentioning childhood peer pressure I only used my children as an example of what we recognise and reward in terms of behaviour,
    The point I’m making is where we set the bar at normal expected behaviour (as I believe Tara has subsequently done with her life) and what we recognise as exceptional behaviour worthy of recognition.
    If we are to congratulate every part of normal expected behaviour some of us would be quite busy?

    “there is room for compassion and encouragement for the people who do break cycles of family disfunction” …. well, yes and no. Perhaps the real problem is more that we live in a society with a bar so low that we accept family dysfunction, and don’t frown upon it.
    Where is the pressure in this PC world on these groups to lift their game ?

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  129. Adolf Fiinkensein (2,903 comments) says:

    Tara you have done well to provoke the reaction you see here.

    You must realise all these vociferous critics from the loony left and the fundamentalist right have never, ever made a poor decision of a mistake in their own miserable and judgemental lives. You are seeing a remarkable display of an old axiom which has 5% of any population fulminating at either extreme and 90% taking the relaxed, practical, generous and easy going middle ground.

    Within the five percenters it is difficult to discern any of the grace, forgiveness and encouragement which underpins a modern day western society, founded in Christian ethics and generosity. This lack is more than made up for by the abundance of old testament style vitriol, with which today’s Islamic extremists would be more than comfortable.

    A bit scary. huh?

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  130. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    did someone slip you an ‘e’..?..adolf..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  131. Tara te Heke (9 comments) says:

    thanks Adolf that’s lovely to hear.

    Philu, I would call you a retard but likely you have fathered at least 4 babies and left the mother with them while you sit behind a computer being a nong.

    To all the haters, yep I’ve made a bad choice. But why aren’t you beating up on him? Why does the bad choice get to walk free and I am stuck with the single loser DPB position?

    Come on, tell me why I am the one you are bagging on and not him?

    And I have to say there are a great deal of men on these comments isn’t there?

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  132. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    Tara – If he was the guest poster on here I guess he’d get bagged worse? I find the fact that so many fathers can get away without paying liable parent contributions quite sickening, (and these are fathers from all socio groups) I know two ‘financially secure’ arseholes who hide behind their trust accounts and pay FA
    But at the end of the day Tara it wasn’t him who was ever going to get pregnant was it?

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  133. PaulL (5,987 comments) says:

    Tara, always more men than women on the internet. I’d get used to that if I were you.

    The thing is, you have to work in your sphere of control, somewhat in your sphere of influence, but not wasting time on the sphere of non-control.

    You can’t control what he does, despite the fact that you’re interested in what he does. You can control what you do. So take actions in that area.

    I am very interested in how he gets to move off without having any obligation for the kids. It sounds like he is still in welfare, and has a new partner at least, if not a new family as well. How exactly would we hold him accountable?
    – dock his welfare? And punish his new family? If we’ve got welfare set at the right level, they cannot live on less
    – force him to spend time with the kids? Sounds like you wouldn’t want him round them – he used to beat them, right?
    – put him in jail?

    The thing is, it sounds like he’s beyond hope. The trick with breaking a cycle is finding the access point into that cycle that is most effective. Trying to deal with him isn’t likely to be that. The best access points into the dependency cycle in NZ, so far as I can tell, are:
    – the mothers, where they are willing and able (you sound like you are)
    – the extended family, again where they are up to it
    – where the mothers and extended families aren’t up to it, then schools, sports teams, anything that is outside the family, and therefore has a chance of succeeding

    One of the big problems in NZ is that whole extended families are disfunctional, none of them work, none of them even see a need to break out of it.

    Even for a sole parent, the biggest predictor of future success for children is that the parent is in work. This crap PhilU spouts about being at home for his kid (with us paying for it, including his pot smoking) is just that – crap. The studies show that a child that sees at least one parent working will then see that as normal. A child that sees nobody working will think that is normal. And, whatever some social liberals may want to claim, it isn’t normal at all.

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  134. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “it wasn’t him who was ever going to get pregnant was it?”

    What’s your point Patrick?

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  135. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    “Philu, I would call you a retard ”

    heh!

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  136. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    FFS Cerium – do you really need that spelt out for you

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  137. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    Tara, I’ll be more than happy to beat up on him. Those of us who have made a personal choice to be childless are getting very sick of paying for other peoples irresponsible child bearing.

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  138. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    “One of the big problems in NZ is that whole extended families are disfunctional, none of them work, none of them even see a need to break out of it.”

    Well Paul as we saw in the Kahui case, put enough of them together under one roof, and they are on quite a nice little earner, compliments of the NZ taxpayer.

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  139. Tara te Heke (9 comments) says:

    Murray I am flattered. I would give you his number but he’s such a bum that I don’t think he can even afford a pre-pay!!!!

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  140. Inventory2 (10,342 comments) says:

    Tara – you’ve certainly pegged Philip Ure quickly!

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  141. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    Ok Patrick, are you suggesting women shouldn’t get pregnant in case their man turns out later to be an arsehole? Tara said things were good until after the first baby and he became unemployed. In retrospect getting pregnant again can be seen as mistake, but it’s common for people to think that things will get better and turn out ok.

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  142. Alan Wilkinson (1,878 comments) says:

    Tara “Why does the bad choice get to walk free and I am stuck with the single loser DPB position?”

    But of course he doesn’t. He doesn’t have a life or a family. He is the loser. He understands nothing. Nothing will change for him.

    You have your kids and you have your life and their’s ahead of you to make something of.

    As MT_Tinman said on the other post, he also had nothing, was a single parent and found a job. He took control of his life and made it into what he wanted it to be. That is also your opportunity. It is also the best thing you can teach your kids – by example.

    Look at the five adults you spend most time with. Odds are, your life will be the same as their’s. If that’s not what you want, change the people you spend your time with.

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  143. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    cerium. Think about this statement

    “At 19 I found the man of my dreams there. Big, strong and brown. To start with it was like a fairytale. Then he got angry easily and gave me the bash. Often. I thought if I gave him some children it would be better, that he would grow up and be a great Dad. I had the first one at 20 when is topped working”

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  144. Manolo (13,837 comments) says:

    ‘Come on, tell me why I am the one you are bagging on and not him?”

    I won’t bag you. All I’ll say is you made a mistake and now have to live by the consequences of it, whatever they are.
    Sincerely, I wish you all the best.

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  145. William J (44 comments) says:

    Tara – you hold your head up girl and be proud! Don’t take the negative comments personally as, as Adolf said, they’re just a small proportion of society who just don’t get it.

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  146. Alan Wilkinson (1,878 comments) says:

    WJ, that is just PC nonsense.

    What has Tara got to be proud of so far? Three crap choices in a row with her man and now living on the DPB blaming him?

    Get real. You don’t help people with b.s.

    First, Tara should be mad at herself for those mistakes, not at anyone else.
    Second, she should be determined to overcome those mistakes and make a great life for herself and her kids.
    Third, she has to find the best people to help do that.
    Fourth, when she has done it, she needs to help other people who got into the same mess she did.

    Then she will be truly and rightly proud – and we will all be proud of her too. And her kids will be proudest of all.

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  147. getstaffed (9,186 comments) says:

    Tara – Thanks for posting. Happiness centres on having choice in your life. No matter how small or insignificant, we all have choice. Making good choices improves the chances of you finding yourself in situations with better choices next time. The reverse is also true, as I suspect you’ve identified in respect of your former partner. Harbouring blame, bitterness or envy will almost certainly leave you feeling devoid of choice, ergo unhappy. So my advice (yes from a white bloke!) is to run from anyone who tells you that you’re a victim and that you’re entitled to this or that, and instead surround yourself with people who you can see making good choices in their own lifes. Don’t be a victim. Take control.

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  148. Tara te Heke (9 comments) says:

    Alan

    I note your clearly superior wisdom and your third point.

    So are you going to help me?

    Thought not.

    So shut up.

    There you go getstaffed – not a victim.

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  149. James (1,338 comments) says:

    Maybe Tara you should try asking Alan for his help……and he is certainly capable of helping.

    But its his choice based on his scale of values and his judgement of you and your situation……

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  150. annie (539 comments) says:

    Tara, having had small kids, I think the truth is you’re stuck until, as you say, the youngest is at school, then you can go for it (at least until 3pm). While you’re at home, it could be worth looking at low-cost home training options, like the Correspondence School, if you’re not already finished 7th form, and if you are interested.

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  151. Hurf Durf (2,860 comments) says:

    Hey, bonkers.

    Why are you so angry?

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  152. Alan Wilkinson (1,878 comments) says:

    Tara, I’m happy to help people who want to help themselves and I do. I’m easy to find.

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  153. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    Tara, help yourself. You are the only one who can make a better life for you and your children. Financial assistance may keep you from starving, but can-do-attitude is personal to yourself. The we would better ourselves if “we only had help” is wearing very thin. You do not get help from WINZ, you get welfare. The taxpayer is sick of paying for it.

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  154. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..Philu, I would call you a retard but likely you have fathered at least 4 babies and left the mother with them while you sit behind a computer being a nong…”

    um..!.no..i have a now adult daughter..who i raised as a sole parent..(and now runs her own business..)

    ..and a son..now 14..who i have been prime caregiver for since one week after his birth..

    (who is described as ‘a leader’ in his school reports..and is excelling academically./in sports.

    (btw..he has never bought his lunch from the junk-food school tuckshop..)

    ..while raising my son i have completed a masters degree..

    ..i have never hit a woman..

    ..i have never hit my children..

    ..from what you said..the man you ‘chose’..was battering you before your first child..

    ..and you stayed with him..?

    ..and bred some children for him to batter..?

    ..and i am the ‘nong-retard’..eh..?

    ..and let me guess here..you hit/smack your children..eh..?

    ..you perpetuate the cycle of violence..?..don’t you..?

    but ..’only when they deserve it’..eh..?

    ..you are not only throwing from a glass house..

    ..but your windows are already broken..

    ..eh..?

    ..get thee to a feckin’ mirror..!..eh..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  155. bwakile (757 comments) says:

    Come on, tell me why I am the one you are bagging on and not him?

    If he came on here we would bag him too. But you are exactly 50% of the problem.

    Personally I have better ways to spend the large cheque that I have just written to the government for tax, than pay for your poor choices. Like looking after my own children.

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  156. bwakile (757 comments) says:

    Yep Phil and we have paid for it all

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  157. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    OK phil, time to go to work

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  158. getstaffed (9,186 comments) says:

    My happy life formula: E + R = 0

    where…

    E = an event over which you have little control (shit happens etc)

    R = your response over which you have absolutely 100% total control.

    O = outcome that you experience.

    The key is the ‘R’… then only thing you have total control over. Good ‘R’s lead to better ‘O’s which lead to fewer ‘shit happens’ ‘E’s etc etc.

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  159. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    maybe your daughter will employ you?

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  160. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    btw..i looked back in the thread to see what i cd have said to ‘set you off’..

    ..(‘anger-management-issues’ yourself..?..there..eh..?..)

    ..and i made two comments..

    ..one about paula bennett standing on the throats of those amongst whom she used to dwell..

    (a fan..?..are you..?..of paula..?..)

    and a chuckle at adolf saying nice things about sole parents..

    and you aren’t from around these parts..?..are you..?

    otherwise you would have known adolf is known ..over the years..for his screeds of abuse against said sole-parents..

    ..(which is why i asked him if someone had slipped him an ‘e’..)

    so..what was it that ‘set you off’..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  161. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    phil, will your daughter give you a job?

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  162. nickb (3,687 comments) says:

    I would far rather the state hound this persons ex than her to have to rely on the state.
    However, again, it seems the taxpayer has had to pick up the bill for poor choices….

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  163. big bruv (13,929 comments) says:

    “..while raising my son i have completed a masters degree..

    ..i have never hit a woman..

    ..i have never hit my children..”

    …and never done a honest days work in my life.

    Phool, you speak as a male (I cannot call you a man as a man accepts responsibility for his actions and family) who is proud of what you have done, where is your sense of decency?, where is your sense of shame at your lifestyle of choice?.

    While others have faced far worse scenarios than you they have got on and raised their kids without robbing anybody and without stealing from the tax payer.

    You are a parasite and a oxygen thief.

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  164. big bruv (13,929 comments) says:

    Murray M

    Would you hire a drug fucked wreck?

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  165. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    BB, no i wouldn’t, but i think his daughter should. A way of repaying the taxpayer.

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  166. mattyroo (1,029 comments) says:

    Simple way to live life, courtesy of Gary Player.

    “The harder I work, the luckier I get”.

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  167. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    The daughter on what we are lead to believe would appear to be a productive member of society. Must have inherited most of the mother’s genes.

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  168. nickb (3,687 comments) says:

    Quite a resentful blog post.
    As for railing against WFF for middle income earners etc, it is not people on this blog who would advocate that. It is those on the left, those who would pretend to be traditional allies of the poor downtrodden Maori and lower class. We do not accept WFF, we would rather the State let you keep your money in the first place.

    In reality, welfare in your case is acting like a substitute father, I would rather the state hound your ex to pay for your children. I guess what is obvious here is that socilaism, the very philosophy that would supposedly care for people such as her, makes things worse. Socialism is a failure and has fucked up everything everywhere it has been implemented.

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  169. nickb (3,687 comments) says:

    How much of our money did you take today philu?

    You are a joke, and insult to all men everywhere struggling to provide for their family.
    Of course it is a virtue to care about the less fortunate- but you are not such a case, you are a selfish parasite

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  170. getstaffed (9,186 comments) says:

    nickb – For someone so young, and caught in the socialist sinkhole that is the NZ university system, you have a remarkably wise outlook. Turn your peers, or better your lecturers, and become a star!

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  171. Alan Wilkinson (1,878 comments) says:

    Mattyroo, a school friend of mine had a similar one: “Only good players are lucky.” Very true.

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  172. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    so rightwing..so bitter..so young..

    what will little ncb be like when he is as old as redbaiter..?..or big bruv..?..or manolo..?

    you’ll probably be a wild-eyed survivalist by then..?..eh..?

    ..heavily-armed..and in the bush..

    (you’ll probably run into muzza in there..eh..?

    ..you’ll know him by his medievil costuming..eh..?

    ..and i undertand he can talk at length..and in some depth..on those big wooden catapult things..eh..?

    so you’ll have something to talk about..

    ..around the fire..

    ..at night..

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  173. Murray M (455 comments) says:

    phil answer the question, will your daughter give you a job? If not, why not?

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  174. Hurf Durf (2,860 comments) says:

    For someone who whines about “gangsterism”, phool is the most selfish person I’ve known: he’s on the dole when he could easily get a job, he doesn’t trust anyone else to look after his kids, all he cares about is his news aggregator and he tells us how to discipline children while getting antsy when we tell him that his method doesn’t work all the time. It’s all about the phool, all the time. Quite bizarre.

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  175. big bruv (13,929 comments) says:

    Phool

    The “who is there for them during the school holidays” excuse you use for not getting a job is even more pathetic when you consider that your youngest is 14.

    Why not just admit to all of us that you have no intention of EVER working.

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  176. nickb (3,687 comments) says:

    Philu, I grew up with my parents struggling, my mother working low wage jobs, and my father runnning his own business before it went under and my parents separated.
    After they separated, my mother provided for us, while still working her arse of to provide for me while my father didnt help much, and my mothers actions are something I am thankful and proud of everyday.

    Growing up like this (perhaps understandably) shunts you towards the left-wing; you constantly think why this big, benevolent parent known as “government” cannot help a little more here, give some more here, so that my sister and I can have some nice christmas presents, new clothes, etc.

    Then I started talking to my grandfather however (a constant source of inspiration for me) and it started to make me think. If this huge, benevolent being called “government” is so caring, why does it take so much money out of my mums paycheck? Why are my parents constantly talking in hushed voices and sometimes breaking into argument over things like my fathers self employed ACC bills, GST, and provisional tax?

    And what I started to realise was that large government can only end up damaging the family unit, it takes money from the hard working and spreads it around as it sees fit; high tax rates chain both parents to full time work, and business complaince costs were a factor in driving my parents to separate when my fathers business went under.

    Sure, I have had the benefit of a free university education, public healthcare, and a student loan. But if my parents had not been slaves to socilaism and high taxes their whole lives, they could have helped me provide for these things, instead of having to hold their hand out to big, “caring” government.

    So if there was a message for Tara, it would be good luck and good wishes, but always remember that big government can never be your friend.

    And philu, dont ever call us uncaring, ir try to make out that you are a champion of the downtrodden poor. You are a selfish terrorist, and you give those you pretend to care about a bad name by your actions. The fact that you choose to live off the backs of working men here and do drugs in the presence of your son is disgusting.

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  177. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    i work every day..bruv..

    it’s a news aggregator website..

    called whoar.co.nz

    20-30 new stories..

    ..each and every day..

    ..what do you do..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  178. Hurf Durf (2,860 comments) says:

    Your news aggregator gets no hits and makes no profit.

    It’s work, but it’s not productive work.

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  179. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    i don’t “..do drugs in the presence of your son”..

    ..and..i smoke pot..!..f.f.s..!

    get pissed..?..do you..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  180. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    yawn..!..look..!

    ..it’s groundhog day..again..

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  181. nickb (3,687 comments) says:

    So if you are an idle person at home all day, doing pot in your house must necessarily mean your son will be exposed to it

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  182. jcuknz (704 comments) says:

    >>>Cerium …There are some mothers on the DPB as a lifestyle choice. Some are there through bad choices or bad luck, often a bit of both. Does anyone know of a breakdown of how many are there by choice?<<<
    How on earth except with imposiblely honest folk could this information be calculated? :-)

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  183. Chicken Little (741 comments) says:

    The problem you see Tara is that phule has been the example of someone on a benefit on this site for the last couple of years. As you have obviously deduced he is a complete waste of space, many posters here confuse him with all beneficiaries, which is obviously not true. So when the ‘rabids’ ( Yes I’m looking at you baiter) start in on you just remember that’s where they’re coming from. Keyboard warriors to a man I assure you :)

    The main thing is to get a plan. You’ve got young kids so it may be several years before you can get into fulltime work or study. What can you do in the meantime to further your cause? What do you want to do? What I’m trying to say is work smart. You will be amazed once you start trying to get things moving how people and events fall into place just from the energy YOU’VE created. Just do something. I personally am quite happy for my taxes to help out someone in your position as long as you are doing something to move things along.

    Someone like phule will just change benefits ( lined it up yet phule?, sickness or invalids? ) when his son is too old for him to qualify for the DPB and that pisses me off because phule doesn’t want to work. For every phule there are 10 people with a story like yours who deserve our help and whose kids deserve to grow up thinking they can do anything they want to and be what they want to be.

    I think that is the greatest thing you can give your kids, confidence in themselves. If my own kids grow up with that attitude ( they’re still young) then I will feel I have done my job whatever my (many) other failings are.

    Cheers.

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  184. mattyroo (1,029 comments) says:

    fuck off philu, your news aggregator is not work, it is a hobby, which I am paying for. Do you care to pay for my hobbies?

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  185. Alan Wilkinson (1,878 comments) says:

    Chicken Little, good comment. I would just add, giving your kids confidence to achieve what they want is the key.

    We had a rule for when the kids wanted something, “you pay half.” So they always had jobs, were always planning ahead, knew getting stuff took work and figured out what was worth working for and what wasn’t.

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  186. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    what have you got there ..?..matty.?

    aside from onanism..?

    (and you don’t really need another hand for that..?..eh..?)

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  187. big bruv (13,929 comments) says:

    Phool

    I work everyday except most Sundays, there have been times in recent years where I have worked 118, 96 & 127 days in a row (ten to twelve hour days at that)

    I do all that so I can feed my family, care for my pets, recuse, rehabilitate and re-home dogs that have been abused (mostly by beneficiary low life) and donate to causes that mean so very much to me.

    What I resent with a passion is having my money stolen from me to pay for the likes of you and that Fuller maggot to live the life of leisure.

    What you do is not work Phool, what you do is borderline child abuse given the pathetic example you are setting for your kids, it is bad enough that you smoke and take drugs in their presence yet you have the bare faced cheek to claim that you cannot work because nobody will be there for them in the school holidays.

    You are symptomatic of all that is wrong with this fucked up country Phool, I did warn you that when the hard times came the average Kiwi would turn against the bludgers in our society, well you and that Fuller parasite have kicked off that debate and it is a debate that we are long overdue in having.

    Enjoy it while it lasts Phool, it will not change under Neville Key but it will change under the leadership of the next National PM and when that days comes I will laugh in your face, Crusher Collins is going to be your worst nightmare Phool, and man, am I going to enjoy that!

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  188. Manolo (13,837 comments) says:

    “.while raising my son i have completed a masters degree..”

    Whoar, would it be in Advanced Cooking and Baking Techniques? Easily attainable for a loafer of your experience.

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  189. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    and how are you feeling about the pollies troughing/gouging there..?..bruv..

    that’s ok..?

    and ‘crusher collins’ is going to be our future leader..?

    haha..!

    (she’ll come out squeaky-clean from the upcoming gouging inquiries/revelations..?..will she..?)

    listen sunshine..the number of lies/broken promises/ending of tia for sole-parents/tearing away of support for handicapped children.. ..

    ..to just name a few..

    all the while gouging to the max..

    will ensure your lot will be thrown out again for at least another nine years..

    (‘crusher’..will be ‘zimmer’ by then..)

    you/they have proven that you just lied thru yr teeth..to gain power..

    ..and since then..have broken promise after promise..

    ..have engaged in class-warfare against those most in need..

    ..all the while feathering their own nests..

    ..one-term-john it is then..

    ..eh..?

    how can it not be..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  190. bruceh (102 comments) says:

    Many have offered their own ‘life’s principles’ advice and homilies to Tara, only PaulL has tried to raise discussion on the policy dilemmas and workable policy shifts required to change the human tragedy of the inter-generational we have collectively created.

    He refers to Gareth Morgan’s GMFI approach. The Douglas govt wrestled deeply with the way out, and in the late 80’s had a developing policy set that integrated tax rates, education choice, health choice and long term savings into the structure of state welfare support and behavioural incentives to move back into independence and citizenship It included a GMFI (guaranteed minimum family income) approach.

    Back then the clark-cullen left hated the inevitable loss of state franchise over peoples lives and the Nats were just as appalled at such devolvement from the state to the people, Ruth’s brief reign being the only and ongoing exception.

    We’ve really come nowhere since, indeed the move back to middle class welfare (WFF), embarrassingly low economic growth and all the rest of the clark-cullen-mahary legacy has made the world of transfer payments for much worse for both sides of the equation. Anyone worried about real unsustainability?

    Tara’s story is a govt policy story as well as a personal journey story. Bennett’s efforts as Minister can only tinker with the edges until John Key is prepared to put his political skills to real work by communicating to the public that the biggies of Bill’s budget (health, education and welfare) need serious makeover. Roger’s trip to London shouldn’t distract Key’s ministers from having a good look at his 2009 press releases and latest book.

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  191. lilman (960 comments) says:

    Star board, not after a violin, far from it.

    But that was how it was for us and others in the district.

    You got by because you had too.

    We only had what we got because we choose it that way, we choose to send our children to boarding school, we choose to stick together when Im sure my wife could have easily walked away and lived in a flat with the kids, but we choose not too.

    Time to grow up people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  192. John Ansell (874 comments) says:

    Well said bruceh.

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  193. Kimble (4,440 comments) says:

    lol @ phule for thinking activity is work!

    Next he will be claiming that his internet porn addiction, which he gained while “aggregating news” *wink*, should qualify him for ACC!!

    And phule, you haven’t raised your son. We did.

    We bought the food he ate and the clothes he wore. We paid for every part of the education he received and every part of the health care that kept him ticking. We did it by doing things for other people which they appreciated and rewarded with money. We did it by contributing charity in the form of taxation.

    Sure, you may have physically given the money to the shopkeeper for the food or clothes, but when we gave that money to you in the first place so you could buy food and clothes the most you can claim to be is a middleman.

    We never asked for a please or a thank you before we did all that, we just figured you would do the same for us if positions were reversed.

    Instead you seem to delight in telling everyone about how you callously refuse to do so. Instead of working, earning, and contributing so that truly hard-up people can have the money to raise their kids, you sit around all day, getting high, doing nothing of worth to anyone else in the world except yourself.

    Your kid has a couple million other people to thank for everything he has received in his life, but by all accounts you are raising him to be scornful of those good people.

    You take money meant for people who can’t work, even though there is nothing stopping you from working. You are just a selfish thief.

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  194. bananapants (102 comments) says:

    Kia ora Tara.

    The men here are awful. In fact, it’s quite possible one of them is your psychopathic ex, judging by the calibre of the comments. You’re very brave to agree to write here. But they need a bit of challenging, so good for you.

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  195. Alan Wilkinson (1,878 comments) says:

    Banapants, b.s. I called her bluff and she ran a mile.

    There are two kinds of people not worth listening to – those that never made a mistake and those that always make the same ones. Tara seems determined to stay in the second category.

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  196. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    In your special little world Alan, yes.

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  197. Alan Wilkinson (1,878 comments) says:

    expat, having just read back through your contributions to this discussion they seem to be limited to fatuous insults.

    Time for some changes to your life philosophy too?

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  198. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    “Tara seems determined to stay in the second category.”

    I don’t know how you work that one out. She has identified what went wrong, what she did wrong. She has separated her self from a major contribution to those mistakes. She is not talking about repeating those mistakes. She is discussing it here which shows she is examining what has happened and what her options are. It doesn’t seem to me that she is determined to keep making the same mistakes.

    And I think she was worth listening to here. It initiated discussion on a major issue and I suspect it has helped some look at it at least a little differently.

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  199. Alan Wilkinson (1,878 comments) says:

    Tara “Why does the bad choice get to walk free and I am stuck with the single loser DPB position?”
    Tara “So are you going to help me? Thought not. So shut up. There you go getstaffed – not a victim.”
    Me “I’m happy to help people who want to help themselves and I do. I’m easy to find.”
    Tara – silence.

    I’ve seen this before. Tapu Misa wrote a sob story article. I offered to help directly financially, but nothing was taken up.

    I question if “Tara” is true. Her grammar and spelling doesn’t match her story so I smell a rat.

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  200. Brian Smaller (4,023 comments) says:

    At the end of the day Tara is still getting supported for making bad decisions. I made a bad relationship choice once too – can I get some money from the state – it cost me a fortune – shouldn’t I get some back to compensate for the trauma, abuse and heartbreak I suffered?

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  201. Cerium (23,591 comments) says:

    I made a relationship choice that turned bad, after nearly twenty years. That cost me. But I still have three great children. That’s priceless.

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  202. PinkoLiberalCommieRat (1 comment) says:

    To Mr Redbaiter

    Umm i just joined this debate to mention some things.

    Fist of all, ther WERE unmarried pregnancies 100 years ago-go to wikipedia and type in “baby-farming” and “magdalene asylum”. Also try http://www.originnsw.com/law/id3.html and http://www.jstor.org/pss/348636

    Women once upon a time were shipped off to convents or their family took care of them, they gave the baby up for adoption etc. You might like to do some research on Victorian England.

    Second you metion the values of traditional marriage. That came from the catholic church and you know where this is headed what with the choir boys and everything. This is 2010 and times have changed.

    Thirdly I see a lot of people have posted “you should have thought of that before”. The man left her as I understand it, how are you supposed to know this is going to happen and what good does that knowledge do now. You can’t put s@#! back in the donkey unless you have a DeLorean.

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