10 proofs that John Key is the Anti-Christ
No this blog post does not cme from The Standard, but from the Dunedin School Blog. Their ten proofs are:
- He has been to the south and east as prophesied in Daniel 8:9-12
- He has spoken arrogant words
- He has risen to the top quickly
- He has spoken against God with the anti-smacking law
- The merchants from the Earth will prosper from the Anti-Christ and he is a former merchant banker
- He joined the National Party in 1998, and 1998 is 666×3.
- The Anti-Christ will be different from his predecessors
- He will be called the Messiah, which means he must have Jewish blood – which he does have.
- He will be miraculously healed – and didn’t his arm heal quickly
- His video blog is erecting a living image of him
They conclude that the chance of this all happening randomly is 1 in 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, so John Key is definitely the Anti-Christ.
This would also explain why he is beating Goff so badly in the polls.
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Tags: anti-christ, Humour, John Key
October 19th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Could also be because Goof has all the personality of a dead fish.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
This must mean Goff is the second coming?
But seriously, this must be an onion site surely.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
If John Key is the Antichrist, what will Obama do?
If one has to put money on anyone, then Obambi’s our man of the moment.
But whoever he will be, I believe the clincher will be that he will negotiate a successful peace treaty between Israel and her neighbouring Muslim enemies. Watch this space.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
That comes across as “don’t negotiate peace in the Middle East or we will label you the anti-christ”.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Pete George 2:31 pm,
Prophetically, although there are many traits relating to the Antichrist, the one that really identifies him is the successful brokering of a Middle East peace treaty. The Jews, and indeed the world, will embrace him as the ‘Messiah’; the one who brings peace to the earth. And he will for three and a half years before he reveals his true intentions. Only Bible believing Christians will recognise him for who he truly is, the rest will buy into the lie.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Kris K – I am ready for the rapture. Clean undies and everything.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Brian Smaller 2:44 pm,
No need Brian, new undies will be provided – ‘undies’ of righteousness.
Just make sure you’ve booked your ‘ticket’ beforehand.
October 19th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
And keep it secret?
How many antichrists have been announced in the last, say, 2000 years?
How would a modern day Christ get on? “Israel in 4 BC had no mass communication” (JCS). That would be a double edged sword, easier to get the word around, but easier to be hounded and harrassed etc.
Will there be no undies of lefteousness?
October 19th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Do you mean all Bible believing Christians, or just Bible believing Christians who agree with you? I mean, if I find a Bible believing Christian who disagrees, does that mean your theory is shot, or will you pronounce them to be a tool of Satan?
Just want to clear things up before I put my shoes on.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Kris – Hee hee hee, you said “successful peace treaty” and “muslims” in the same sentence. Good one !
October 19th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Nah – I’ll just get one from a scalper on the day.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Pete George – I’m not sure about the Antichrist count, but I remember a Jerusalem psychiatrist saying he gets at least a couple of new Messiahs referred to him a week…
October 19th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Brian Smaller 3:10 pm,
Scalpers be damned.
Any appropriation of said ‘ticket’ must be in person at the appropriate ‘booking agency’.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Nah – I’ll just get one from a scalper on the day.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
“And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh”
And yet the count was still 10 virgins?, hope he wasnt an onist would seem like a terrible waste.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
If you were to send him a courier package at DX Helensville, then adding the Roman numerals would provide:
D + X + L + V + I + L + L
500 + 10 + 50 + 5+ 1 + 50 + 50
= 666
October 19th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Pete George 2:51 pm,
I’m telling you now. And others will tell people after the fact also.
He will be the ‘Messiah’ in the image of the world; one who the Jews/world will embrace and accept. Much in the same way that many view Obama today. He will preach a social ‘gospel’, not one of coming to God in repentance. The world will love him, whereas they hated/rejected the Christ of the Bible.
You’re absolutely right.
Lefties will be consigned to the deepest pits of hell, along with their undies.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
According to “people get ready” you don’t need no ticket, you just need to thank the Lord (http://www.mp3lyrics.org/e/eva-cassidy/people/). Nothing about timeframes or quotas, so presumably you could thank the Lord on the day.
Christians are well known for turning the other cheek, so I doubt there’ll be some old crusty fella standing there saying “nope, sorry, too late, we’re all full up.” But you never know with these things.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
It could be worse – confined to the deepest pits of hell with the righties old undies.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
But as DPF has blogged earlier (http://www.kiwiblog.co.nz/2009/10/global_opinions_on_obama.html), Israelis opinions of Obama have generally dropped not risen, so they are not accepting him. Down 13 %. And Palestinians – down 52 %.
So much for Obama (or Key for that matter) being the AC.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Reminds me of an old POW joke.
Today you vill have a change of undies.
Cheers
Stand in a line, two abreast
The person on the left, change you undies with the person on the right.
The person on the right change your undies with the person on the left.
October 19th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Put it away 3:08 pm,
I agree, it is laughable when considering recent attempts.
But this guy will be Satanically empowered; essentially having supernatural wisdom and charm.
The world, including Muslims, will buy it – lock, stock, and two smocking barrels!
October 19th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Kris, what proportion of Christians do you think are the right sort of bible believing Christians who aren’t lefties?
Um, won’t the Muslims have a bit of an inkling seeing as the Koran and the old testament are in common?
October 19th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Pete George 3:49 pm,
Those that have come to Christ in genuine repentance; believe that He died for their sins and has risen from the dead; believe in His deity; and have accepted Him as their Lord and Saviour, are able to identify themselves as Christians.
In their opinion Muslim writings supersede the OT. Their writings speak of a Muslim messiah – the Antichrist will fulfill this role.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
No need Brian, new undies will be provided – ‘undies’ of righteousness.
Just make sure you’ve booked your ‘ticket’ beforehand.
If heaven is full of Christians then I’d rather go to Hell, at least the girls will be sluttier.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
I dont like the guy.
Business men have no place in politics.
he admitted to pushing political agenda’s to further his personal business interests.
SCUM BAG.
Perhaps it will be more than a fire “BOMB” next time. rofl.
[DPF: 30 demerits]
October 19th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Nah, you’ll need a pair of magic undies also known as Temple garments
October 19th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Bevan 4:12 pm,
There is a verse which I believe gives insight into the existence of those in hell.
One which even many Christians disagree with me on. The Bible speaks of believers being given new glorified bodies. I also believe it alludes to unbelievers being given new bodies for their existence in hell:
If I’m right, then unbelievers in hell will have a ‘worm’ body – no eyes, no ears.
So I guess if you’re into sluty ‘worms’, then you’ll just love hell.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Not funny menace. More like nasty.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
joe90 4:21 pm,
And the poor old Mormons miss out too.
Joseph Smith was a nutjob.
Magic undergarments, the planet Kolob, heavenly ’spirit’ babies, etc. Yeah, right!
I was of course alluding to:
October 19th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
The number of the beast, and the anti-christ. I was very impressed with the commentary at m&m last time this discussion came about.
http://www.mandm.org.nz/2009/08/sunday-study-666-the-number-of-the-beast.html
In summary, the hypothesis is that Nero was the beast referred to. The time has been and gone.
October 19th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Kris – LOL at the “worm” theory. No one knows what that means, most likely it’s typo or translation error. Also:
“And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame” Luke 16:23,24.
So is your theory wrong or is the bible contradicting itself ( yet again…)
October 19th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
I will end up in flames.
Then I will feed some worms.
Is that what it means?
October 19th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
hang on. i thought helen klark was the antichrist?
October 19th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Worms?! Fire?! Thank goodness Xenu will have beamed me up by the time all this happens…
October 19th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Put it away 4:58 pm,
I could give you an in depth answer regarding Luke 16.
Suffice to say that those Old Testament saints, prior to the death of Christ, went to a place called Abraham’s Bosom (or Paradise). They were held there till Christ rose again and ascended to heaven, at which time He took them with Him, albeit without glorified bodies; just in spirit and soul form. The unsaved rich man in the Luke 16 account is still where he was at that time. Abraham’s Bosom at this time has no residents, and is empty.
New Testament saints (Christians), when they die, go to be with the Lord in heaven. They too are only in spirit and soul form and await their glorified bodies which they will receive at the Rapture. Old Testament saints will receive their glorified bodies at this time too.
And my theory regarding ‘worms’ could be wrong, hence the qualification when I made it.
October 19th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
“You’re absolutely right.
Lefties will be consigned to the deepest pits of hell, along with their undies.”
So that is what we need to do to get away from your lot, just make a small trip to hell
Where are my bags, I am packing.
Sorry DPF sounds like you are going to be stuck with us with the rest of your flock going to that shiny place in the sky.
Tell you what if you can convince the fun kill brigade of the left to become religious it would be appreciated. No place for them in our hot fire party pen.
October 19th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Hmm…never has Satanism made so much sense…That said, if he really is the AC, he comes off as being rather good about it. Also, is Goff is the second coming, it certainly explains Christianity’s early persecution, but fails to explain how it rose to dominance…
October 19th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Kris – nuh uh, according to the bible, no one’s in heaven yet. More contradtictions….
John 3:13 states, “And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven.”
October 19th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Put it away 6:12 pm,
In a sense you are right.
Certainly there were none (spirit and soul) prior to Christ ascending after His death.
And even today there are only the spirits and souls of those Old and New Testament saints in heaven.
If one defines a ‘man’ as ‘body, soul and spirit’, then, by definition, there is no ‘man’ in heaven because none have yet received their glorified bodies. The man/God Christ Jesus, who has His glorified body, is the exception to the rule. Hence there is only one fully constituted man in heaven.
October 19th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Kris – so you make it make sense by redefining the words ? Which is essentially an admission it makes no sense. I guess it depends on what your definition of “is” is.
October 19th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Put it away 6:48 pm,
Not at all. And it was actually a good question.
If a man is ‘body, soul and spirit’ – which I believe he is – then after he dies, where his soul and spirit are separated from his body, one can debate that he ceases to be a complete (fully constituted) man. Surely this is a reasonable conclusion? If this conclusion is reasonable then to say that (apart from Christ) “no man is … in heaven”, is also a reasonable statement.
Perhaps you can give me your definition of a man – if not ‘body, soul and spirit’, then what?
October 19th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Body – that’s the bag of bones bit
Soul – the developed mind, thinking, feeling, loving, imagining
Spirit – that which remains after death. Some think it is some sort of invisible floaty thing.
I think it is what you leave behind in memories and influences, especially in your children but also others you have touched
October 19th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
BTW, labelling someone the antichrist is heavy stuff, worse than labelling someone as the next Hitler or Stalin. Unthinking, uncaring.
October 19th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Maybe he is talking about the worm in tequila, that tastes like hell.
October 19th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Pete George 7:29 pm,
I agree with your first two definitions, Pete.
Human spirit:
From a Biblical perspective the human spirit is where the Holy Spirit resides after someone receives Christ.
Prior to this it is described as ‘dead’, or perhaps empty. Without God’s Spirit it is empty/dead.
This is also why non Christians are described as ’spiritually dead’, and Christians as ’spiritually alive’. Similarly, when someone becomes a Christian, as a result of becoming spiritually alive they also receive ‘eternal life’. It is, therefore, through Christ alone we can have eternal life.
October 19th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Kris K – your definition of being in heaven seems to be vary depending on which contradictory verse you’re trying to defend. Elijah clearly counts as being “in heaven” according to the bible “…And Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven….” 2 Kings 2:1, 11-12, and you say he is there in “spirit and soul” only. Then you say Christian saints are in heaven, but that *doesn’t* count as being completely in heaven because they’re in “spirit and soul” form only…
Doesn’t it concern you that you can only make these arguments by constantly changing the definition of the words ?
October 19th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
I’m interested in the glorified body bit. What would one of these bodies be like? I’m guessing you’d need no reproductive organs, since there would be no reproduction in heaven. Which seems a bit of a downer. But then again, maybe I’m just thinking with my current body, which places value on these things. Perhaps being in the glory of god would make reproducing (or practicing for reproducing) pale in comparison?
Still, seems to me a design fault in these new bodies.
Which reminds me of a bad joke about three engineers:
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer are sitting around talking about God. The mechanical engineer says, “God must have been a mechanical engineer, look at the way our muscles and bones move.” The electrical engineer disagrees, saying, “God must have been an electrical engineer, look at the electrical wiring in our brains.” After a moment the civil engineer says, “Well, he certainly wasn’t a civil engineer. What kind of idiot puts the playground right next to waste disposal?”
October 19th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Put it away 7:51 pm,
Elijah (and Enoch of course) are perhaps the two special cases.
I dont have all the answers, but I think it has something to do with the fact that neither Elijah nor Enoch have died physically. So while they are perhaps in heaven now, there is no indication that they have received glorified bodies – which is required to dwell in Gods presence. So when the Bible refers to “no man is … in heaven” this could be an allusion to ‘no glorified man in heaven’ – because, as I just said, this is required to dwell in God’s presence. Now you really are going to accuse me of ’splitting hairs’. I really don’t know in these two exceptional cases – I will have to ask God when I see Him.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Don’t you mean “this is why Christians describe non-Christians as spiritually dead”? It really just means that they have different beliefs. Offering a carrot to try to attract some followers.
It doesn’t really make sense to me. You say “yip I’m Christian” and voila, along comes a spirit for you. What if you then decide it’s bollocks, does your spirit float off to someone else? Or hang around waiting to go to hell?
October 19th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
PaulL 7:54 pm,
As a mechanical engineer I always enjoy a good engineering joke.
You’re correct regarding the glorified body being non reproductive sexually – apparently it is likened to angelic bodies which do not marry (reproduce) in heaven. They also do not require physical sustenance – so perhaps no internal organs whatsoever. Although we can choose to eat for enjoyment, so maybe there is. Christ ate after His resurrection afterall. My guess is in some ways it will resemble our earthly body, but in others it will be vastly different. It will not age or decay. It is interdimensional. It is not restricted by time, space or matter. We’re talking about a serious upgrade here – both hardware and software.
Personally, I can’t wait for the upgrade. This really is ‘blow your mind’ territory!
Who would not choose it? And of course, who would not want the privilege of dwelling in the presence of the Creator God for all eternity.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
PaulL
I’ve always wondered about that.
Kris K
You’re doing a sterling job.
You are part of my Judgment as much as I am part of yours.
The way I read it everyone goes to heaven, some just don’t stay there.
Pete
Nearly there, one more push might do it.
Where’s Andre and Ian when you want them ehh.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Pete George 8:12 pm,
No, it’s rather what God’s word says versus any individual’s personal opinion.
Having said that, the opportunity to have eternal life is a pretty good ‘carrot’.
I believe that genuine salvation, once received, cannot be ‘lost’. The Bible says as much.
Not to say that disobedient Christians won’t be punished, or lose heavenly rewards previously earned for faithful service, etc.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Anyhoo, and you make many valid points Kris, if the anti-Christ really did arise from New Zealand’s “eternal sea” to dominate the world until defeated by St Michael as he will eventually be, how cool is that for us?
Air NZ would be VERY happy indeed and you do recall of course that JK is the Minster of Tourism.
How diabolical.
October 19th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Do you think I’ve nearly converted Kris to reality?
October 19th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Pete, reality is, to believers: G-d exists. Period.
Humour aside, it’s a serious subject and those that don’t treat it with serious consideration damage themselves.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have a sense of humour.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
God exists, but fortunately she *does* have a sense of humour, so we’ll be ok.
October 19th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
I thought there was something in the prophecy that said the AC couldn’t have a silly accent?
October 20th, 2009 at 7:12 am
It can be a serious subject, but you have to be able to laugh at it at times. Take for instance the subject of this topic. It appears to be serious – not sure if that makes it funny or sad. Arriving at a conclusion and then looking for anything that might support the argument.
I have given religion serious consideration. And I don’t feel damaged by my conclusions. I don’t think I will change my conclusions unless I see evidence to the contrary, and considering no one has ever seen any verifiable evidence I don’t expect that I will.
The key thing we have to be able to do is to respect the right for other people to arrive at their conclusions, whatever their beliefs or religion may be, as long as those beliefs aren’t used to the detriment of others. I’ll question people who make claims I disagree with, especially when they involve supposed superiority of their position – the “if you don’t believe what I believe then you’re crap” thing. We all eat and drink, and we all crap.
Beliefs in NZ have fragmented and moderated, especially compared to many other countries. We need to find a way to move forward together promoting reasonable morals without needing to belong to a particular club.
October 20th, 2009 at 7:19 am
What a load of tosh. Everyone knows WhaleOil is the anti-Christ, or at the very least, New Zealand’s real life Peter Griffin off Family Guy.
October 20th, 2009 at 7:30 am
John Key MUST be the anti-Christ – The Standard keeps telling us, so it MUST be so
October 20th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Methinks tis a little early to be doing any serious speculation (as if we were) as to who the Antichrist will be.
For starters there is no one-world goverment yet – although Lord Monkton said yesterday that it is mentioned in the draft of the Copenhagen Agreement (now you know the reason behind the climate change hysteria, btw.)
Then again, I wonder if DPF could be the Antichrist?
After all, the Bible says that “his look is more stout than his fellows”.