Lord of the Rings if the left wins

August 15th, 2014 at 2:00 pm by David Farrar

We all know this verse from :

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

A reader has sent in a NZ version, in case the left win:

Three Rings for Internet Mana living a lie, Seven for the Unions with their hearts of stone, Nine for Mortal Business doomed to die, One for the CTU on its dark throne In the Land of Labour where the Unions lie.

One Contract to rule them all, One Contract to find them, One Contract to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Labour where the Unions lie.

I love it.

 

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20 Responses to “Lord of the Rings if the left wins”

  1. Pete George (23,677 comments) says:

    If the right wins:

    The likes of Cam Slater, David Farrar, Brett Dale, John Key, Jami-lee Ross, Mike Hosking, Leighton Smith, Lucia maria (she also want to see the gays exterminated), Colin Craig, John Banks, Simon Bridges, Bob McCroskie, Gosman, Fisiani, Santi, Grumpy, Matthew Hooton Monique Angel, Pete George and all others that I have left off my list (sorry, will be here all night), are to trade unionists what the SA brownshirts were to the Jews in 1930′s Germany, common thugs who see those who belong to a trade unions (along with homosexuals) as vermin to be exterminated in a Final Solution.

    Get ready folks, post 2014 we will see trade unionists streaming through our court system when National make joining a trade union to be a crime, and the PPTA outlawed in our schools.

    Slavery, here we come.

    @millsy http://thestandard.org.nz/happy-labour-day/#comment-717939

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  2. xy (188 comments) says:

    I always like LOTR parodies written by illiterates. The three rings are worn by the good guys and the nine rings are worn by the bad guys, but your writer fucked that up!

    Maybe you could get John Stringer to draw a picture of Slater as heroic Boromir shot full of arrows for heroicly trying to take membership files from Frodo, who is drawn as a webserver.

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  3. burt (8,301 comments) says:

    Pete George

    For the hard left it’s all about the unions – never the workers.

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  4. redqueen (582 comments) says:

    Jolly good!!!

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  5. m@tt (631 comments) says:

    @xy. Yeah that’s a pretty bloody poor use of the rings. No doubt a ‘reader’ who’s only seen the movie, skipping the ‘talking bits’.
    The cartoon sounds good, Joyce would need to be in there somewhere though.

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  6. oldpark (373 comments) says:

    C T U = Combined Terrorist Union. That was what a lot of actors and actresses were saying when a few spanners were being thrown at the Hobbit Movie.Luckily for us and NZ the so called C T U, lost out to common sense.So instead they threw their support around the Labour Party.Maybe that didn’t work either ,with Labour polling in almost the margin of error.

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  7. Macfre (22 comments) says:

    @xy, no room for poetic license in your literate world then?

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  8. xy (188 comments) says:

    NEXT:

    That Idiot Elrond [REPERESENTS COMMIE GREEN PARTY]: Isildur! Destroy the ring! We don’t need the economic growth and other benefits that it will bring to Middle-Earth!

    Heroic Captain of Industry Isildur [REPRESENTS BOLD DAIRY INDUSTRY]: Luddite! The Last Alliance Party is finished, I will claim the ring for myself! It will allow us to cut company tax rates by at least 20% – we just have to be bold!

    [LATER ISILDUR IS KILLED BY DOLPHINS]

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  9. mikenmild (11,606 comments) says:

    xy
    Just because someone writes a lame satire doesn’t mean you have to do worse.

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  10. Jinky (188 comments) says:

    Have you checked wirh Electoral Commission that this is not banned in the same way that Planet Key song was? (sarc)

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  11. xy (188 comments) says:

    I CAN DO WORSE

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  12. Macfre (22 comments) says:

    No please dont! You get poetic license, I give you that, but further proof not required:-)

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  13. Huevon (223 comments) says:

    Certainly something Gollum-ish about Russell Norman that’s for sure

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  14. adc (595 comments) says:

    Smeagol Norman lol

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  15. G152 (384 comments) says:

    oldpark (84 comments) says:
    August 15th, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    C T U = Combined Terrorist Union. That was what a lot of actors and actresses were saying when a few spanners were being thrown at the Hobbit Movie.Luckily for us and NZ the so called C T U, lost out to common sense.So instead they threw their support around the Labour Party.Maybe that didn’t work either ,with Labour polling in almost the margin of error.

    ==================
    And I see one of the Union darlings in a current TV series.
    :(.

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  16. lolitasbrother (744 comments) says:

    after the dark , the light will spread

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  17. Fisiani (1,047 comments) says:

    Currently serving 6 week ban on The Standard for merely telling the truth. Obviously touched a raw nerve. Glad to be on millsy’s list above. I wear it as a badge of honour.

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  18. lolitasbrother (744 comments) says:

    good honour Fisi, please tell centre right all of them that NZF and NZ Con are both on 3.5%, our worst fears, I send you into the darkness friend, if you come back I will place the medal on your chest myself, the elusive medallion of Quixote,

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  19. UglyTruth (4,551 comments) says:

    One Contract to rule them all, One Contract to find them, One Contract to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Labour where the Unions lie.

    Interesting that they use contracts as a symbol of evil when true contracts always have a lawful purpose. Other writers have described this inversion of black and white.

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  20. Aredhel777 (290 comments) says:

    I personally found comparing rightwing people and social conservatives to Nazis and brownshirts absolutely disgusting and highly offensive. None of the individuals listed are calling for a Final Solution for homosexuals or anyone else for that matter. I am assuming PG doesn’t actually agree with what millsy posted.

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