Cactus Kate has some useful advice for girls whose boyfriends tell them they are “fat, ugly and a whore”. She suggests no second chances and preferably a restraining order.
Sadly quite a few female friends of mine have gone out with guys like that – no not ones who turn violent, but those who seem to be so insecure about themselves, that they spend most of their relationship trying to lower their girlfriend’s self esteem, presumably in the hope that the girl will never leave them as she doesn’t think she can do any better.
I’d like to say such men are a tiny minority of men, but sadly they are not – they’re a reasonably significant minority (nowhere near a majority though). I don’t believe in feeling guilt or shame for fellow members of whatever demographic group I belong to, but I almost do when it comes to guys like this. I’ve seen far too many bright, attractive (in all senses) confident women just have their self esteem demolished and endure for months or even years in a miserable relationship because they think it is better than nothing. No it isn’t.
No relationship is perfect, and without arguments. But I have a simple philosophy I expound to friends – the 90% rule. The whole idea of being in a relationship is to be happy. If at least 90% of the time you spend together does not involve being happy, then get the fuck out.