Top ten pre-election surprises

Heh – just e-mailed to me.

1. The Kerry campaign releases a statement that Alexandra Kerry, Vanessa Kerry, Catherine Edwards and Emma Claire Edwards are all lesbians.

2. George W. Bush announces that WMDs have been found hidden in an ancient tomb in Iraq and that Geraldo Rivera will reveal them to the world LIVE on November 3.

3. Ben Affleck threatens to make three to five more mediocre films unless John Kerry is elected president.

4. Donald Rumsfeld announces that chatter in the terrorist community reveals Johnny Damon of the Red Sox will be kidnapped unless all of Massachusetts votes Republican.

5. All Iraqi insurgents simultaneously drop their weapons, embrace and declare George W. Bush the “Granddaddy Peacemaker Forever and Always.”

6. John Kerry is magically blessed with the power to make his health plan work for every man, woman and child in a swing state. He can also raise the dead.

7. Dick Cheney promises that if he and Bush are re-elected, he will support a constitutional amendment requiring Jude Law to bed every woman in America within the next four years.

8. It’s revealed that flu shots mysteriously make the elderly in Florida write in Pat Buchanan on the ballot.

9. Osama bin Laden agrees to appear on Larry King, breaks down crying, asking, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

10. John Kerry rips off his droopy mask, reveals himself to be Jeb Bush.

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