Humour from Annette

I’m not sure if penned this herself, or one if her staff did, but it actually is pretty damn funny so worth a repeat:

The Melissa Key Guide to Crime Busting

  1. Build a motorway – the more lanes the better.
  2. Direct all criminals (from areas you want to insult) to travel on the motorway preferably with signs on their vehicles saying “CRIM-IN-TRANST” to help Police identify them.
  3. Chose an electorate as far away as possible from the place you want to win as the destination for the mobile crims.
  4. Have all off-ramps removed to ensure a smooth flow of crims to chosen destination.
  5. Dedicate one lane as an expressway for crims who own cars.
  6. Dedicate one lane for a busway for crims who don’t have cars or haven’t stolen one yet.
  7. Increase public transport concessions for crims who are prepared to travel during off peak times to carry out their crimes.
  8. Encourage car-pooling of crims to cut down congestion and reduce the carbon footprint.
  9. Build motorways which cut through communities removing hundreds of houses thereby reducing the number of homes that can be burgled.
  10. Get a TV production company to make a video of your success in reducing crime.
  11. Avoid the PM at all costs because although you were once his “chosen candidate” he now thinks your crime busting ideas are silly.
  12. Avoid the good people of South Auckland you have labelled as crims.

I especially like the busway for crims that have not yet stolen a car!

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