The Melissa Key Guide to Crime Busting
- Build a motorway – the more lanes the better.
- Direct all criminals (from areas you want to insult) to travel on the motorway preferably with signs on their vehicles saying “CRIM-IN-TRANST” to help Police identify them.
- Chose an electorate as far away as possible from the place you want to win as the destination for the mobile crims.
- Have all off-ramps removed to ensure a smooth flow of crims to chosen destination.
- Dedicate one lane as an expressway for crims who own cars.
- Dedicate one lane for a busway for crims who don’t have cars or haven’t stolen one yet.
- Increase public transport concessions for crims who are prepared to travel during off peak times to carry out their crimes.
- Encourage car-pooling of crims to cut down congestion and reduce the carbon footprint.
- Build motorways which cut through communities removing hundreds of houses thereby reducing the number of homes that can be burgled.
- Get a TV production company to make a video of your success in reducing crime.
- Avoid the PM at all costs because although you were once his “chosen candidate” he now thinks your crime busting ideas are silly.
- Avoid the good people of South Auckland you have labelled as crims.
I especially like the busway for crims that have not yet stolen a car!