A new political party
A new political party is being formed. It already has 100 members and should reach 500 easily. It doesn’t have a name yet, but does have a process for choosing a name:
It was decided that we should auction off the right to name the Party on Trademe. Although if this is not successful it is most likely we will go with Aotearoa Nautical Alliance of Laughter, Peoples’ Independent Movement Party or Democratic Aotearoa Freedom Troop.
My personal favourite is the Aotearoa Nautical Alliance of Laughter as it gets across the core elements of NZ identity, our grand oceans as we are an island country and the NZ sense of humour.
There are three key policies so far. The first is the zero income tax, with the state gaining revenue by nationalising all vice:
The Yet to be Named Silly Party of New Zealand, is dedicated to bringing about a tax situation where you as a consumer would pay NO personal tax. We would go about doing this by creating State Owned Enterprises and Quangos that would have a monopoly on vice. We would have state pornography websites, brothels, drugs, strip joints, poker dens, we would even bring back BZP.
The Greens always say we should tax bad things instead of good things like income. Well this goes one step further. Don’t just tax bad things – take all the money from them.
Then a promise to repeal the anti-smacking law:
Another keystone of our policy will be introducing the Anti Anti Smacking Bill into Parliament. This would allow you to discipline your children if you have an NCEA, unit standard, or tertiary qualification in spanking.
I predict NCEA standards in smacking will be keenly sought after.
Finally the tourism policy:
One of the main Policies was turning the West Coast of the South Island into a homosexual holiday Mecca. We would shut down all mines, cease all logging and build massive gay spas, bars and amusement parts. This interlocks with our foreign policy of promoting homosexuality internationally to prevent further explosions in population. With more homosexuals in the world, and with Westport becoming a haven for homos, NZ will rake in the tourist dollars. CHA CHING!
The Porter Report in the early 1990s said the key to development was identifying and developing key clusters around your natural strengths. This policy fits in with that ideally.
Other minor policies include all legal cases being settled by reference to Wikipedia, 18 years paid maternity leave and outlawing the Dewey Decimal System.
I think this will be a very successful party with modern innovative polices for the 21st century.
January 30th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Yes……..um…… well……
January 30th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
A.N.A.L., P.I.M.P. or D.A.F.T. – as always, which one to choose?
January 30th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
They’re gay New Zealand sailors?
January 30th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Noticed your face in the photo on Facebook, David. Good meeting? I hope A.N.A.L was not your suggestion.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
We would shut down all mines, cease all logging and build massive gay spas, bars and amusement parts.
Amusement parts? COOL!
January 30th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Who d’ya reckon they’ll take the most votes off?
January 30th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
ACT get more desperate for votes every day!
January 30th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
It was a very enjoyable meeting. I made several suggestions, but probably safer not to say which were or were not mine. Everyone there had good input into the ideas.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
The West Coast is already well known as a homo holiday haven.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
We need somethign to replace the McGillacuddys…
January 30th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I’ve always liked “The Apathy Party”
January 30th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
PhilBest asks:
Well, I note they also say:
Therefore they’re likely to draw from the core support of:
- NZ First (elderly sufferers of dementia)
- United Future (if the top of that intellectual tree is Peter Dunne, the lower branches must be pretty sparse)
- the Greens (the long-term effects of marijuana use include memory damage)
- Gordon Copeland (’nuff said)
January 30th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Those policies are not as silly as they sound. After all, the Greens stole the Macgillicuddy’s “Great Leap Backwards” policy and it got them into parliament.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
mmm speaking of Trade me –
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Antiques-collectables/Documents-maps/Documents/auction-138196321.htm
January 30th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
While you are outlawing the `Dewey Decimal System could you please also have a look at crickets `Duckworth Lewis System’ it at least needs tweaking and with the poms here now we don’t want to allow them any lee way to rort the results.
Bugger unless there is a very early election you will need retrospective legislation.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
“One of the main Policies was turning the West Coast of the South Island into a homosexual holiday Mecca. We would shut down all mines, cease all logging and build massive gay spas, bars and amusement parts. ”
The promotion of homosexuality is not funny. I have never met a gay homosexual yet.
This is a party we can do without.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
You’re joking, right?
Surely there aren’t dogmatic anti-gay attitudes like that in this country anymore, even in the hick towns???
January 30th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
A party we can do without? I put forward to you that this is a party we truely need! Yes it is a real party, and yes we intend to run in the next general election, and yes we plan to have a damn good time doing it!
January 30th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
KevOB -
Get a grip and have a beer (or a strawberry daiquiri if you prefer). The Coast has just lost Postie Plus. They’ll grab at this with both hands (no double entendre intended). A brilliant idea!
As well as getting rid of Duckworth Lewis, they should try banning anything that relies on communism or socialism, old people driving cars, and Emily Perkins.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Who is Emily Perkins?
January 30th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
A bleeding heart liberal:
http://www.bookcouncil.org.nz/writers/perkinsemily.html
Unfortunately Jim Mora allows her to trumpet her bleeding heart liberalism on a regular basis on Pravda Radio, to the point where I had to turn over to The Rock this afternoon.
Speaking of the Rock, I heard them endorsing Key yesterday…bit of a turn up given they don’t do politics.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Are there any policies relating to RNZ? For example, removing the requirement for balance so that they can stop pretending, and thereby remove any last reason for anybody to listen to them. Thereby allowing them to be shut down.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
I nominate Bensop Dope as chief whip.
January 31st, 2008 at 12:35 pm
No policies on Radio NZ yet. However if you want to leave some ideas go to the blog site and leave them: http://www.kiwislog.wordpress.com.
Funny you mention cheif whip as well, becuase we will amend the standing orders to allow whips to carry whips (so long as they have the correct qualification).
Emily Perkins is a NZ writer… in the loosest sense. Either that or Buggerlugs is talking about the Canadian actress. Howver Buggerlungs, we would encourage old people driving, because they keep us younguns on our toes.