Imperator Fish on Labour Strategist

August 14th, 2012 at 12:00 pm by David Farrar

Scott Yorke blogs the diary of a unnamed Labour Party strategist and time traveller:

3 January 49 B.C:  My latest assignment is proving to be a real delight. Rome’s a fascinating town, and I have been deeply impressed with the way the governing classes in this Roman Republic conduct themselves. The men of the Senate are vexed by Caesar’s demands, but I have assured them they have nothing to worry about. Caesar will not dare cross the Rubicon into Italy, because if he does so he will be at war with the Roman state. His men will desert him, rather than be crushed by Pompey’s armies. Caesar may be a useful general, but he has neither the courage nor the tactical nous of his opponent.

1 January 43 B.C: That Cicero fellow’s a genius. He’s not just a great orator and writer, but a perceptive and clever politician. He’s got that foolish upstart boy Octavian wrapped around his finger, and Mark Antony is running scared. I predict a long and glorious future for the Roman Republic, under the wise stewardship of Marcus Tullius Cicero. …

1 June 1876: Just appointed to the staff of Lieutenant Colonel George Custer. I have already drawn up a battle plan, and I’m confident of a swift victory. …

29 September 1938:  I told Neville just to sign the damn piece of paper. Nobody wants to go to war over a small central European country with a name nobody can spell, least of all the Germans. It will keep them quiet, and we can be assured of gloriously ruling the waves for another fifty years. Neville demurs, and worries that the Germans may simply demand more territory; but where would they go? The Polish cavalry will overrun them if they move east, and if they attack France they’ll be broken on the Maginot Line. I had to remind Neville that our staunch allies, the French, have the most powerful army in the world.

12 August 2012: Those were some times, I tell you! Now it’s time to get back to work. I’ve got some great ideas to share with David and the team.

Heh, very good.

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2 Responses to “Imperator Fish on Labour Strategist”

  1. James Stephenson (2,191 comments) says:

    I like the way he’s got the strategist being right about the Great Depression though…it adds a nice touch of “nobody can be wrong all the time” believability.

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  2. tom hunter (4,890 comments) says:

    Humph! It’s the sort of thing we should expect from bloody “Dim”, but he’s got such a case of the shits with the Labour Party that he can’t even write satire about them anymore!

    Oh well, Tom Scott once said that satire was redundant in this country. Perhaps it was wise to abandon the market niche to the likes of Imperator Fish.

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