Kiwiblog

Sideswipe discovers that John Key also starred in Galaxy Quest!

A Paulus Telfer has applied to the Electoral Commission, to register the logo below as the official logo for a 51st state party:

Yes that is 51 stars on there. Six rows, with half having nine stars and half having eight stars. The current US flag has nine rows, with five rows of six, and four rows of five.

Mr Telfer incidentally stood for Mayor of Christchurch and got 289 votes. Bob Parker won with 46,104.

Anyway I thought I would see if I could come up with ten reasons why we should become the 51st state of the United States.

1. We would now get to bully Australia
2. No more royal tours
3. Cheaper gas
4. The SAS would get the much cooler name of Delta Force
5. We would now be the possessors of the Olympic Gold Medal for Rugby Union
6. We instantly have an effective free trade agreement with the US
7. The ANZUS Treaty would then become the A’n'US treaty.
8. Just as one has African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Arab-Americans, we would be Kiwi-Americans
9. No longer would need to fund MFAT
10. Someone earning NZ$100,000 (US$70,000) would pay 19.5% federal income tax instead of the average 29.5% currently imposed.

Taken from Sideswipe. Rodeny is The Hood!

Taken from Geekologie. People may also like this similar link, on trying to use an e-book.

Sarah Silverman on why Santa should give Jew girls toys

Silverman is one of my favourite comedians. Her video with Matt Damon remains a classic.

Hat Tip: Uncensored

Someone has listed this phone on Trade Me as a Telecom XT mobile phone

As always, the Q+A are quite hilarious.

Sideswipe reports:

How does Air New Zealand communicate what is, and more importantly what is not, appropriate behaviour on its new Skycouch, aka Cuddle Class? Well, the national carrier is suggesting this ad might do the trick … Get it?

Heh that is very funny.

“Through the guidance of family and friends he connected with the values of community and altruism at a young age. His commitment to school and sports teams over the years instilled in him an unrelenting hope for unity, observing that so much more can be accomplished when we work together…. speaking on the night of his election he declared that “This time must be different, this time we must take our conversation to more youth than ever before, knowing that we can be shapers of history not just in a few decades, but right now.”

Is this autobiographical quote from:

1. Winston Churchill
2. Keith Holyoake
3. Barack Obama
4. the 18 year old Auckland Chair of the Young Nationals

Charlie Brooker on how to make a news clip. It is spot on.

There are 10 types of people in the world, those that know binary and those that don’t.

Nat Torkington was wearing this t-shirt at Kiwi Foo Camp and I loved it. So close to reality!

You can order them from Despair.

Just watch it – first played during the Super Bowl.

Very funny. Hat Tip: Stuff

Spot on cartoon by Guy Body in the Herald.

Fun summer reading can be decisions of the Broadcasting Standards Authority. Some recent decisions:

1. They reject four complaints against TV3 for Ali Ikram’s satirical piece of Maori TV getting the Rugby World Cup rights. It wasn’t that funny a piece of satire, but no way should it be illegal!
2. They also turn down two complaints against TVNZ and Paul Henry over his comments re the Maori flag.
3. ACT member Peter Taskhoff is sucessful against TVNZ for a story at an arms show than unfairly portrayed him in a negative light.
4. Kerry Bolton wins against Radio NZ for Chris Laidlaw’s programme which made holocaust denying accusations against him withotu verifying them.
5. Henk van Helmond loses against TV3 for door stopping him at is home in relation to threats about Sue Bradford.
6. A complaint against TV3 for coverage of the Boobs on Bikes parade was not upheld.
7. A complaint fron a Patty Towl against Solid Gold FM for the joke that Ellen DeGeneres is the second most powerful lesbian on the planet, and Chris Carter being the first – was not upheld.

Great to see Air NZ retains a great sense of humour. Hat Tip: Cactus Kate

A health warning for those with musical talent, but this nine minute video of John Key on The Edge with JJ and Dom includes him singing Snoopy’s Xmas. Stuff has an amusing story here.

What I found amusing was how they got him to do it by saying Helen wouldn’t sing on air for them, and he replied that is probably why she lasted nine years

He also was in at The Rock, and they have audio of him here. It’s also pretty damn funny and he answers some non-PC questions such as:

Would he rather travel with Rodney Hide or Hone Harawria?
and Can women parallel park?

Also John comments how having DPS means you never need dial a driver and they interview any boys wanting to date Steffi

And finally not including John, but The Rock puts the can men park better theory to the test, with video of their experiments.

First we have Tony Ryall from last week’s General Debate on Labour’s seven stages of grieving.

And then by popular demand an embedded version of Gerry Brownlee yesterday.

Stuff reports that Tesco have had to withdraw this Xmas Card.

I presume they withdrew it, because Samta complained it was not true.

Oh this is great. Go to In the House and watch the video of this question from David Parker to Gerry Brownlee:

Has he received my invitation dated 14 December to accompany me, after Parliament rises, on the Gillespie Pass tramping circuit in the north-eastern parts of the Mount Aspiring National Park, so that he can inspect first-hand areas in the conservation estate included in his stock-take of mineral resources, and will he accept it?

Gerry’s response is superb, as is the other contributions to the debate. A nice light touch for the final session of the year.

If anyone is able to You Tube the video, that would be great as I could them embed it here. I see in the comments that next year In The House will allow embedding which is excellent.

MEMORANDUM

TO: Parliamentary Staff (especially Labour)

FROM: Press Gallery Executive

SUBJECT: Press Gallery Party tonight

DATE: 16 December 2009

To avoid any of the problems we had last year, parliamentary staff are alerted to the following:

1. Please do not steal any wine until after the party has finished
2. If you do steal any wine, please take the cheap stuff that the MPs like, and leave the finer vintages behind for the gallery
3. Note that we have micro-chipped all the beer
4. Taking a bottle of wine as you leave, to drink as you stumble your way home, is fine – setting up a trafficking operation to move three dozen bottles to your car is not.
5. We are placing gallery life member Richard Long on security for the wine. Think of the analogy about getting between a mother bear and her cubs and proceed at your own risk!
6. Simon Power has agreed to a law change removing legal aid eligibility for anyone caught pinching the wine

We hope you enjoy yourselves tonight.

Jane, Vernon & Ian.

The Nats Caucus Party is tonight. It would be optimistic to expect any blogging from me until Friday afternoon!

The parties used to be every six months, but this is the first one since June 2008. They didn’t even have a post-election bash last year because of the recession. So this is well overdue.

As with all social functions, what happens on tour stays on tour. So don’t expect any good stories tomorrow – I save all those for my book

Anyway in the meantime, read this e-mail conversation, and you will not be able to stop smiling. It involves the author of the spider drawing e-mails. Check his whole site out if you have the time.

Danyl at Dim-Post does his own rankings. Superb. Extracts:

Nick Smith: 8/10. Environment Minister has done excellent work crafting an Emissions Trading Scheme that doesn’t handicap decent, struggling Kiwi businesses like The DimPost’s parent company Lanthanide, Nitrogen Tetrafloride & Heavy Metals Disposal.com (Inc  Chongjin, North Korea).

Paula Bennett: 8/10. Feisty westie MP has attracted controversy but is a vital weapon in National’s battle against Labour for the hearts of the strategic white trash demographic. …

Murray McCully: Shook my hand at a public meeting a few weeks ago and now it burns when I pee. 3.5/10.

The McCully one especially just cracks me up everytime I read it.

David Garret: Not his fault supermarkets are allowed to bulk sell discounted alcohol at 8 AM. 5/10.

Harsh but bloody funny.

AP reports:

CALABASAS, California — Authorities say there were at least five attacks on red-haired students at a Southern California middle school after a Facebook group announced “Kick a Ginger Day.”

However, nobody was seriously hurt and no arrests were made.

How very stupid. They should know not to actually kick Gingas in case they catch Gingervitis.

Investigators say the Facebook message may have been inspired by a South Park TV episode that satirised racial prejudice by portraying a campaign against red-haired, fair-skinned “ginger” people.

Good grief. That episode aired in 2005. And back then it was also blamed.

In that episode, Cartman organises all the gingas to start killing non-gingas as they are not members of the master race. So will someone also blame Southpark for any murders of brunettes?