Trevor and Winston

The NZ Herald editorial today is a must read. Some quotes:

There was, arguably, no lower point in the last election campaign than Trevor Mallard’s out-of-the-blue pronouncement that the National Party’s campaign was being bankrolled and run from the United States.

But now, in cahoots with the Minister of Foreign Affairs, he is having another try. Unfortunately for them and, more significantly, New Zealand’s relations with Washington, this attempt is equally derisory.

It is sadly ironic that the Foreign Minister’s main goal of improving relations with the US, is jeopardized by no less a person than the Foreign Minister. As noted, the US Government really prefers not to be dragged into domestic politics.

The Herald also points out that National should have been able to ridicule Mr Peters’ claim with some degree of ease – which is true. NBR shows the way to do this with In Tray today:

IN tray
The National Business Review – 12 May 2006 : 20-03

15 Don Brash receives email from Americans. Thanks to this week’s revelations in Parliament, the country now has incontrovertible proof that on at least one occasion Dr Brash got one. He has also admitted socialising “on occasion” with people from the US. Scary.

14 Don Brash wears khaki pants. When was the last time anyone remembers seeing the National Party leader wearing a Swandri or gumboots? Not a chance. If he’s pictured relaxing at home, it’s invariably in the chosen dress of the American northeastern elite. Funny that.

13 Don Brash looks like an American banker. Fa-shion dis-a-a-a-ster. If the business suits got any darker and the glasses any more horn-rimmed, he might as well start calling himself Senator Brash.

12 Perhaps he does already?

11 Don Brash has an American name. One of these things is just like the others: Donald Brash. Donald Rumsfeld. Donald Trump. Donald Duck. Donny Osmond. McDonald’s Global Franchise.

10 Don Brash used to work in Washington. Or did he? What really went on during the years he supposedly was employed at the World Bank? The New Zealand public deserve an explanation.

9 Don Brash has an American-style obsession with signing autographs. Ordinary Kiwis who have spent time with him have later been shocked to reach into their wallets and discover that Dr Brash somehow managed to affix his signature on many of their banknotes. Scary.

8 Don Brash is never filmed from above. The mainstream media film him from every other angle, except never from above. Why? Because otherwise you would see the strings.**

7 Don Brash has American manners. The National Party leader believes in opening doors for women. If he really spent so much of his time in New Zealand, as he keeps on insisting he does, Dr Brash would know it’s Kiwi women who hold the door open for the weaker sex.

6 Don Brash listens to Neil Diamond. Even during Kiwi music month.
5 Don “50 Cent” Brash uses hip-hop street slang. Yo, it’s a little known fact that when the television cameras switch off, he sometimes calls Gerry “G-Dawg” and refers to Nick Smith as his “beeyatch.” While pointin’ at you!

4 Don Brash has links to Big Oil. When has the National Party top dog ever had a critical word to say about the US-controlled companies who keep hiking the petrol price and causing untold pain for ordinary Kiwi motorists? How scary is that? Could it be that his American masters have forbidden him to speak out?

3 Don Brash has American sponsors. In the commotion surrounding his famous Orewa Rotary Club speech, most of the mainstream media failed to pick up the sponsor’s line included in the press kit: “Brought to you by Monsanto and IBM.”

2 Don Brash is married to an American. Despite her name and apparent Singaporean connection, Je Lan Brash almost certainly hails from rural Mississippi, where she was known as Cindy and used to live — this is where it gets scary — just over the road from a military base.

1 Everybody thinks Don Brash says “frankly” all the time. What he is really saying is “Franklin.” Franklin is the name of the man who talks to him in his earpiece, by way of the remote-control device Karl Rove implanted in his upper back that tells him what to say. On Tuesday, Franklin took the day off and Don Brash called a press conference.

** In Tray understands Fox News is currently working on software with Weta Workshops that would remove the strings from live television footage.

* We wish to thank the following for their invaluable suggestions: Trevor Mallard, Winston Peters, Heather Simpson, John Armstrong, David Farrar and Karl Rove, Nicky Hager, Eddie Crewcut, I Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Nostradamus

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