Dim-Post on Burton Parole
November 29th, 2007 at 4:58 pm by David FarrarThe satirical Dim-Post comments are too good to leave off the front page, so here’s his latest:
Burton Given Parole on Basis of his Own Diagnosis
Dim-Post Tuesday 27 November
Documents supplied to the Dim-Post by sources within the Corrections Department sources show that paroled murderer Graeme Burton was released on the basis of a psychiatric form that he himself filled out.
The one page report used by the parole board to asses the suitability of Burton’s release contains two sections; the first to be filled out by the prisoner and the second to be written by a qualified psychiatrist.
On the form obtained by the Dim-Post the prisoner name is that of Graeme Burton and the Psychiatrists name is ‘Doctor Dum Faggot.’ However the style of handwriting on both sections is identical.
The Corrections Department have no record of Dr Faggot on their staff.
The Psychological Evaluation section that the parole board cited in their decision to release Burton does not contain a clinical analysis and instead consists of the single sentence: ‘Graeme is totalee [sic] cool let him out now scum.’
Under Examiners Diagnosis and Conclusions is a sketch of a large penis and the words ‘let him out or u will die’ repeated over a dozen times.
A large drawing at the bottom of the page in a section labeled Medication, Treatment and Additional Clinical Comments depicts a naked woman nailed to a crucifix with knives poking into her eyes, breasts and genital area.
Corrections Department Director Barry Matthews told the Dim-Post that he considers the form to be a vindication of his department and the parole board.
‘The lower half of the document was filled in by Burton in a ‘breathtaking breach of procedure,’ Matthews said.
‘The bottom of the form is clearly marked examiners use only,’ Matthews said. ‘It is to be filled out by the psychiatrist and not the prisoner. How can we anticipate that kind of dishonesty?’
”We evaluate parole decisions on the advice of highly trained experts,’ Matthews said. ‘Mr Burton has no formal clinical training and was not qualified to diagnose himself as ready to be released into the community.’
Corrections Minister Matt Robson announced that the Department will be implementing an IT based solution to prevent this problem from reoccurring.
‘An optical character recognition device will ensure that the two people filling out the form are different people,’ Robson said. ‘This will put an end to deadly mistakes made by my department once and for all.’
The solution has been priced at one hundred and fifty million dollars and will be rolled out to New Zealand prisons over the next eight years.
Keep them coming, Dim.
November 29th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Not funny. Didn’t someone fucking die?
[DPF: Yes, and Dim has used humour most effectively to point out what a disaster the Corrections Department is, and how they bear a lot of blame for letting this happen. ]
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Thanks DPF – although it’s pretty damn hard to find satire in a Corrections Department that releases a dangerous murderer because their ‘psychopath rating’ is only ‘high’ (and not ‘very high’).
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Very good indeed DIM. Excellent.
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Dim: very funny. You want to be careful that some of your fellow travellers don’t decide that you have become a card carrying member of the VRWC.
I realise that taking the piss out of something that is clearly wrong doesn’t mean you have abandoned your solid lefty principles, I’m not sure that those at the standard will make that distinction
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Danyl:
I’m enjoying your new-age humour – more please!
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Did you see a bright flash of light like Saul did when he was on the road to Damascus Danyl?
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 5:46 pm
‘Is Doctor “Dum Faggot’ a screw in the department of erections, or does it work for the ministry of injustice, or is it an imaginary sandal wearing bearded freakish type person , you know, a psycho quack called Sigmund and dressed as Auntie Edna at the Christmas do type wacko ?
I guess the scumbag Burton won’t find a partner in three legged race this year ?
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
Really instead of demerits I should get points added for that ?
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Look how brave D4J is NOW that Burton is in a wheelchair.
Vote:Where do you go riding your quadbike ?
November 29th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
Hilarious. Gold star effort Danyl.
MrHappy
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 8:05 pm
Truly pathetic Ghost.
Vote:Keep ‘em coming Danyl.
G
November 29th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
shit ,this how he really got out , Danyls got the inside facts.
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
I grew up in Wainui, ghost. Burton is bloody lucky he didn’t run into most of the people I grew up with, quadbike or not. There’d be no need of a parole hearing, just an (unattended) memorial service.
Good stuff DIM. Funny coz it’s (almost) true, as they say. I have a mate who’s been told to undergo a psychiatric test as part of Family Court proceedings on custody etc. Not that he’s nuts or anything, it’s SOP apparently.
So he rings me up and asks me if I can “help with the answers”. I assume he’s talking general advice on what he should say in a detailed interview, given that the welfare of a child is at stake. Nope, they’ve given him a form and asked him to fill it out himself.
“Do you ever have moments when you feel uncontrollable anger, or want to do violence toward yourself or others?”…. “Hmmmm… wonder what I should say to that one? Never mind, I’ve got two weeks to think about it”.
Words fail me…
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 8:29 pm
Danyl,
Congrats that is very well done. Both funny and makes some very good points behind the humour.
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Danyl, what are the Dim-Post’s thoughts on Taito? I can imagine they dig a bit deeper than the media’s usual suspects…
Vote:November 29th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Terrific stuff Danyl, can I be your agent?
Vote:November 30th, 2007 at 5:52 am
This item is so close to the bleeding heart, sociology degree reality of the current NZ social services set-up, it’s just not funny.
Vote:November 30th, 2007 at 7:20 am
This is so typical .. instead of owning up to a crass failure of competency they decide to spend more money on a “pie in the sky” solution.
The answer lies in people and process. Until it can be shown that people are doing the right thing, the NZ tax payer should not be funding yet another excuse to create more jobs.
Vote:November 30th, 2007 at 8:38 am
Classic, ROTFLMAO humour, Danyl. Keep ‘em coming. The NZ Cox and Forkum?
Vote:November 30th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
So, what’s Graham Burton going to do now?
My guess, Limp!
Vote:November 30th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Not wanting to detract – I’m just reading too closely, but anyway…
The actual psych report was I believe the only one that felt the need to mention the various accusation about Burton’s behaviour in prison, presumably because the risk assessment would change if the board took them seriously. So the choice of target might be somewhat unfortunate, but now I think about it the piece is mostly mocking everyone else.
Oh, and to be likewise tedious it was high reoffending risk that was ‘high’. I imagine his psychopath rating was ‘is’.
Re your comment, Dim: Normally I’d say there’s a nastly balancing act between letting dangerous people out on parole where you – at least theoretically – have some control and ability to help, or throwing them out at the end of their sentence and leaving them to it. With life sentences it’s more complicated.
I understand today’s story was that the police had a warrant for two weeks, so its good times all round, really.
I don’t know if I said but I found the last one hilarious (despite my own opinions on the election bill not matching those that prevail round here).
Vote:November 30th, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Nigel Latta, in his excellent new book “Into the Darklands and Beyond” explains why that psycopath should never have been paroled.
Vote: