I’ve got an eel up my bum but don’t tell anyone

October 4th, 2012 at 1:00 pm by David Farrar

The Herald reports:

Hospital bosses have launched an investigation into a breach of patient privacy after details of an eel getting stuck up a man’s bottom were made public.

The Auckland District Health Board said this afternoon that it would investigate “the apparent inappropriate access of clinical records and the possible separate leaking of information to the media”.

The Herald on Sunday reported that an unnamed man who turned up at Auckland City Hospital last month was sent for X-rays and a scan, which showed there was an eel lodged inside him.

Board chief executive Ailsa Claire, who began her role this week, said high standards of professionalism were expected from staff.

“One of the fundamental responsibilities of working in a healthcare environment is showing respect for patients’ right to privacy,” she said.

t”I take that responsibility very seriously indeed and I expect our staff to work and act at all times with a level of professionalism that honours the trust our patients place in us.”

Ms Claire said any breach of a patient’s privacy was taken seriously and, if proved, would result in disciplinary action.

Oh come on, are we not getting a bit precious.

If anything was done to identify the actual patient, that would be very serious.

But do you really think medical staff are not going to talk about how they found an eel up someone’s bottom?

A&E doctors and nurses are often asked about the most unusual things they have had to remove from patients. As long as it is general and not naming an individual, what’s the harm?

The Herald on Sunday reported a hospital source as saying the eel was “about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus”.

“The incident is the talk of the place. Doctors and nurses have come across people with strange objects that have got stuck where they shouldn’t be before, but an eel has to be a first,” the source was reported as saying.

Of course it is the talk of the place. We get too precious sometimes.

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51 Responses to “I’ve got an eel up my bum but don’t tell anyone”

  1. Redbaiter (10,451 comments) says:

    Y’know, I think it’s time Thedavincimode came clean on this himself and told everyone what the hell he was up to.

    Better than getting some poor ED nurses in trouble.

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  2. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    Red

    You could create medical history by going to A and E and become known as the first man to go there with his head up his own arse,

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  3. Mighty_Kites (85 comments) says:

    I agree we’re getting too precious. I mean come on, how can you go to a public cafe then complain your private conversation was recorded!

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  4. Redbaiter (10,451 comments) says:

    (that’s only a piss take davinci)

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  5. RRM (10,101 comments) says:

    Quicker than a snake up a drainpipe. :lol:

    So not only does Redbaiter want to unzip DPF’s fly…

    …he now lies and attempts smear thedavincimode less than half an hour after having a rant about “leftists” lying about and smearing dad4justice.

    What a sad and twisted individual. Try one small eel, taken rectally. It might be the only thing left in the world that can put a smile on your face :-P

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  6. Grendel (1,013 comments) says:

    hey everyone, other than being wayyy off topic, Kites has just given permission to record any of his private conversations in public places.

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  7. MH (830 comments) says:

    A & E (annal & eels) The eel was just trying to get to the eelementary canal.

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  8. 3-coil (1,199 comments) says:

    The eel might have ventured further, but was obstructed by a Marmite jar.

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  9. Kevin (960 comments) says:

    “Oh come on, are we not getting a bit precious”. The horse bolted decades ago, and now we have to live a Orwellian PC nightmare for fear of “offending” someone or “infringing their personal liberties”.

    Hear Bob Mann the famous environmental and antinuclear activitist of the 60s and 70s speaking about PC bullshit.
    is available for 7 d at http://www.planetaudio.org.nz/greenplanet/player

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  10. gump (1,685 comments) says:

    The x-ray images and portions of the clinical notes have been circulating by email.

    That’s an astounding breach of the rules surrounding patient privacy and entirely worthy of investigation & disciplinary action.

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  11. radvad (736 comments) says:

    I once heard of hospital staff having to remove a ping pong ball from an anus. It had been sealed in there with plaster of paris.

    By all means, get your kicks any way you want but don’t expect everyone else to pay for the consequences.

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  12. Kevin (960 comments) says:

    Are Gerbils carnivorous?

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  13. 2boyz (273 comments) says:

    I heard on the grapevine that he sent the eel up to eat the gerbil :)

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  14. Redbaiter (10,451 comments) says:

    “That’s an astounding breach of the rules surrounding patient privacy and entirely worthy of investigation & disciplinary action.”

    How about the fact that your taxes paid for this “emergency” ?

    Not concerned are you, because the truth is that in reality (like so many other non productive parasites in this country) you probably don’t pay any fucking taxes and therefore this angle would never enter your precious left wing consciousness.

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  15. Redbaiter (10,451 comments) says:

    3-coil- thanks for the laugh.

    Peter Sinclair must be spinning in his grave.

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  16. gump (1,685 comments) says:

    @Redbaiter

    As per usual, you haven’t even attempted to address my point.

    You remind me of the spider monkey enclosure at the Auckland Zoo. Can you actually do anything other than screech and fling poo at people passing by?

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  17. wreck1080 (4,000 comments) says:

    Who cares, noone knows who it was.

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  18. Pete George (23,832 comments) says:

    I agree with gump, if x-rays and parts of clinical notes have been circulated that’s a significant breach of privacy. But trying to keep the general story private is an unrealistic expectation.

    And like an eel out of a drainpipe, Redbaiter tries to squirm out of a blatant hypocritical trolling personal attack.

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  19. peterwn (3,336 comments) says:

    Perhaps the gastroenterology department is exploring new and cheaper ways of carrying out colonoscopies, but it went badly wrong.

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  20. Redbaiter (10,451 comments) says:

    “As per usual, you haven’t even attempted to address my point.”

    I did address your point, but my counter point obviously went completely over your head.

    It is typical of how people think in this fucked up socialist bog hole that you are more concerned with an imaginary breach of privacy when the guy shouldn’t have been in the fucking emergency dept anyway.

    If you’d ever have worked there you’d know what I mean.

    This guy should have paid for his treatment when he got me and you to pay for it. And you don’t give a fuck because you know that in reality I paid your share of it anyway.

    You’re screaming over this event for the completely wrong reasons, and its symptomatic of the widespread brain disease that exists in NZ, where real priorities take second place to ephemeral issues that appeal to the knee jerk sensibilities of a completely brainwashed public.

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  21. Lloyd (125 comments) says:

    I’m just imagining the conversation that poor bloody eel had when it returned to its friends in the river!
    “You’ll never guess where I’ve just been…”

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  22. marcw (260 comments) says:

    If it is correct as reported that there have been a number of unauthorised accesses to the patient’s medical records, then this must be investigated and if found to be correct, then the individuals responsible should be disciplined. However, general references to the “situation” would not in themselves have attracted official attention I think, so a general rant about respecting patient confidentiality is perhaps warranted in the circumstances as a reminder to all staff to be careful (especially with eels in the anal area!)

    Let’s face it, it is bloody funny, if not for the person involved.

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  23. MH (830 comments) says:

    eel mail is the correct term.

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  24. Yvette (2,763 comments) says:

    But do you really think medical staff are not going to talk about how they found an eel up someone’s bottom?
    This has always been my argument against 9/11 being an ‘inside’ job

    Of all the thousands who would need to be involved, included Osama bin Laden until they silenced him a little bit, do you think of them all – especially with several drinks inside them – not one would say “Merde! – do you know what happened the other day”

    10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 … waiting for the post on “butt chugging” – seems related and about the same level, so to say

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  25. tvb (4,559 comments) says:

    This reminds of the notorious story of a marmite jar found up someone’s bum. There confidentiality was breached. I do feel that better discretion should have been practised here and the breach of medical privacy while not naming names was serious.

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  26. Longknives (4,962 comments) says:

    I feel I should explain…It was all perfectly innocent-
    My exotic fishtank is situated very nearby my shower. I merely slipped as I was exiting the shower and landed awkwardly.
    All very embarrassing I know..

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  27. nasska (12,107 comments) says:

    Reddy

    Don’t worry about the money. Should you ever need an eel inserted into or removed from your arse I’ll be happy to chip in a few bob to help.

    Now about the video rights. ….. :)

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  28. annie (539 comments) says:

    I hope the poor bloody thing bit him.

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  29. OTGO (579 comments) says:

    Ewww eel. Tastes like shit.

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  30. liarbors a joke (1,069 comments) says:

    Its one of those filthy acts carried out by homosexuals ( generally ). They put condoms on the poor animals then insert them in their anus and get off on the death rattle of the said animal. Gerbals used to be the creature of choice. Disgusting filthy habit.

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  31. lastmanstanding (1,310 comments) says:

    I think the DHB CEO should have called in the SPCA and got good ole Bob Kerridge on the case. Clearly this is a case of abuse and cruelty to the eel.

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  32. Scott Chris (6,178 comments) says:

    If the eel was alive when he inserted it, the stupid asshole should be done for animal cruelty. Presumably the eel’s fin spines got caught on the walls of his rectum. Got what he deserved it seems.

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  33. Yvette (2,763 comments) says:

    Two posts back was “Ducks will get you in the end” ?

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  34. MH (830 comments) says:

    Thank goodness there has no mention of an eel wind blowing no good.

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  35. wtfunz (133 comments) says:

    eel probably sue!

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  36. Michael (913 comments) says:

    My name is eel-nigo montoya, you shoved my father up your butt, prepare to die.

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  37. wtfunz (133 comments) says:

    Have they released the name of the eel yet??? Its always the victim that gets forgotten about.
    I think this is a great position for the eel to run for the Gweens at the the next election – “STUCK IN A HOLE” being his slogan.

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  38. wtfunz (133 comments) says:

    Michael – a good name for a Gween candidate. :)

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  39. RRM (10,101 comments) says:

    Liabors a joke:

    Whereas good right-thinking folk go fishing using the lightest rod & tackle possible, in order to play the fish for as long as possible, thereby “getting off on the poor animal’s death rattle”… but I suppose you think that’s completely different…?

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  40. wtfunz (133 comments) says:

    RRM – I bet you wish you could take this back.
    Do you fish?
    Do you put dying animals up your butt?
    You appear to definitely be comparing the two from a position of experience !!!!!
    With the former, due to the light tackle the fish often gets away. The fish rarely dies if landed and 99% of people fishing this way will release the fish to fight another day.

    I will leave the dying animal description up to you as you do seem to be the expert here.

    Very poor comparison I suspect though.

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  41. MT_Tinman (3,322 comments) says:

    RRM, horseshit! Light tackle anglers, like most anglers generally try to release fish alive and undamaged.

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  42. liarbors a joke (1,069 comments) says:

    rrm…idiot, not even worthy of a reply.

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  43. MT_Tinman (3,322 comments) says:

    Pete George, it does not surprise me you agree with Gump.

    Have you ever tried to think for yourself? Ever?

    For instance in this case did you think that it’s fucking hard to identify someone from an xray of their guts?

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  44. RRM (10,101 comments) says:

    You can’t release an animal with a huge puncture wound that you inflicted in its mouth and say it is “undamaged”…

    You caused it hideous pain, you got your jollies, and the fish will usually die from its injuries within the next 12 hours. As I said.

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  45. wtfunz (133 comments) says:

    RRM – ffs.
    Scientist catch them, with big nasty hooks, puncture their little bodies with great big needles holding tracking devises and follow their movements around the Pacific for months. Do you really think they are floating all over the world upside down, dead ?

    So you’ve demonstarted clear ignorance re fishing and fish in general so what about giving us your expert opinion about the Gerbels and eels?

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  46. RRM (10,101 comments) says:

    wtfunz – and how many of those fish do you think die before they manage to get a transmitter into a live one? Look at the funding that’s required for a project to get even a few transmitters into live fish. You would get similar attrition rates trying to catch university students or dogs on barbed hooks for use in experiments.

    Google central nervous system… a Fish has one, you have one, your dog has one. You feel something sharp, you don’t like it, so you respond either by trying to pull it out or trying to run/swim away from it.

    The only thing the fish lacks is a voice with which to tell you how he feels about the whole thing…

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  47. Griff (8,419 comments) says:

    ok rrrm the fish is traumatised and needs months of counselling to cure it of ptsd that’s why I have caught the same fish twice in as many days. Also I Have caught the same fish on lures forty meters apart the fish has continued feeding after been hooked on the first lure run to the second and taken that as well
    Here is the Peta website for you complete with sea kittens http://features.peta.org/PETASeaKittens/

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  48. RRM (10,101 comments) says:

    Griff – Oh I’m not trying to change the world on here. And I hardly think I’m Peta’s target audience…

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  49. Paulus (2,712 comments) says:

    Was the Eel a member of the Greenpeace Party – perhaps a little Welshman trying to get an inside story.

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  50. Lee C (2,720 comments) says:

    Yes I agree with LMS why hasn’t this guy been had up on animal cruelty charges?
    If he’d been abusing something with hair and a face ohe would have.

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  51. Johnboy (17,051 comments) says:

    Maybe it wasn’t an Eel but a giant Leech and the poor guy had piles? :)

    “You bleed they feed!”

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