Bob Jones on the National Anthem
November 29th, 2012 at 12:00 pm by David FarrarBob Jones writes in the Herald:
After many petitions over the years, the Muldoon government announced in 1976 that it would now have equal status with that other preposterously worded anthem, God Save the Queen, as our joint national anthems. Save the Queen from what? Scurvy, being eaten alive by a flock of frenzied flamingos, bursting into flames? We’re not told.
Aside from its totally over-the-top excessive use, which negates what one would assume ought to be a specialness, my other objection to our anthem is the preposterous lyrics. Targeting a mythical entity, God, it consists of a medley of pleadings, plus bragging about our wonderfulness. Like the Australian anthem, it is hugely embarrassing. I especially scorn the, “Peace not war shall be our boast” in the third stanza. In fairness to Bracken, he was not to know that over the next 130 years, we would be declaring war on numerous Africans, Asians and Europeans. Muldoon even wanted to chime in against Argentina 30 years ago but was knocked back when the Brits assured him Nepal’s Gurkhas had the matter in hand.
Picture the scene in the Kaiser’s palace in Berlin in August 1914. A lackey enters. “Puzzling news, sir. Apparently something called New Zealand has just declared was on us.”
The Kaiser looks astonished. “Have the bloody Dutch gone mad?”
“No, no. It’s somewhere near Colombia, we think. Heinrich’s looking it up now.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why have they declared war on us? I’ve never heard of them.”
“No idea, sir.”
And so our “Peace not war shall be our boast” anthem chanters participated in the most disgracefully pointless mass killing in human history.
Just for a moment, ignore the reality that as Einstein correctly said, “religion is simply childish”, and the fact that space research has now covered billions of miles in every direction without spotting an old bearded bugger in a nightie and sandals, let alone several billion harp-playing angels. Let’s pretend instead that there actually is an all-powerful God, able to control earthly events. Well, put yourself in his place, perhaps sitting quietly having breakfast with Mrs God or enjoying a round of heavenly golf, if enjoyment is possible with the certain knowledge of 18 holes-in-one, or whatever God gets his kicks from, and being constantly interrupted by earthly snivelling to change his mind about this and that, which is what prayer essentially constitutes. Wonderful though God supposedly is, even he would eventually snap and lash out with a few city-destroying earthquakes, volcanoes, floods and whatnot, and who could blame him? So in the interest of giving God a bit of peace and quiet, everyone of a mystical disposition should show some consideration and knock off this constant skyward braying. It’s not doing you any good.
Surely it’s time, after 156 years, for a fresh competition for a new national anthem, or at least its lyrics, cutting out the witchcraft references, given that we’re a secular nation.
I have long thought we could do with a better national anthem. The lyrics aren’t so much the issue for me, than the music. Some of the great anthems of other countries such as France are wonderfully stirring and poignant.
No tag for this post.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Oh Lord, people are now going to start proposing “Wel-come” or “Ten Guitars” etc. It ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Current is stirring enough.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:04 pm
Absolutely. That scene in Casablanca where the defiant French chanteuse sings the Marsaillaise to spite the local Nazis still sends shivers down my spine!
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:06 pm
Quite- I’m not enamoured with the words to our national anthem but the brutal fact is that musically, it is a dull dirge. I would welcome its demise and replacement.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:12 pm
I just wish people would sing it properly. It is better now than say 10 or 15 years ago when we would get all sorts of bastardisations of it. I was once at a Rugby test when some boygroup sang the anthem so slowly that once the crowd realised they were a whole line ahead they erupted into farcical boos. I absolutely despise the drawing out of the the word New Zealand in the last line. Oh yes, could we sing it in one language. I do not care which one, but just pick one.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Jones is a crotchety old bastard who is starting to resemble Muldoon (in looks) year by year. I often get them confused when I see the cover of Jones latest book staring out at me. DPF, you left out his rant at the end about homosexuals –
There’s nothing wrong with our national anthem. I do agree with his criticism of the dreaded Haka, however, which is performed at the drop of a hat these days. It seems we can’t have any event which is associated with New Zealand in any way without the haka being performed. I didn’t see much of the televised Hobbit hoo-haa, but I’m betting the haka was performed there. The haka is about as representative of modern New Zealand as it would be for Americans to perform an Indian rain dance at their events.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:14 pm
Bugger me – it is a rare day indeed when RRM is in agreement with something “Sir” Robert Jones said.
Douglas Lilburn’s Prodigal Country is much more uplifting than the New Zealand National anthem… but it runs for about 15 minutes, few have heard of it – let alone heard it – and no-one knows the words, and you need a classically trained choir.
But God Defend New Zealand is so hopelessly pessimistic and in such a muddy, depressing minor key that almost anything would be better…
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
My understanding is that the anthem is imploring God to save the King/Queen’s soul.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
ps, I have yet to have a spin in the “nation’s van” that is mentioned in one of the verses of our anthem.
I tend to imagine a communal VW, painted with hippy-era peace signs.
It probably needs a good conditioning by now I’d say, and a current WOF
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
But for two facts:
Vote:1. It wasn’t the anthem until 1977.
2. The next lines make is clear that we may be peaceful, but if you mess with us we won’t stand for bullies. A nice balance.
November 29th, 2012 at 12:24 pm
One of the biggest problems around discussing alternative national anthems, is, that almost inevitably the conversation moves to Dave Dobbyn’s Slice of Heaven, one of the most embarrassing pieces of redneck folk art this country has yet produced IMHO..
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Does anyone care what Bob Jones thinks?
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
RRM – God Defend New Zealand is not in a minor key.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:29 pm
The National Anthem can be stirring. See for example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eI-P-AQLMpo
Nothing wrong with it – just choose a good arrangement!
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:29 pm
Apart from being hard to sing, sounds like a dirge and has awfully dated and awful lyrics there’s not much wrong with it.
I must admit that the Maori verse sounds better, but maybe that’s because I don’t remember what it means.
We could do with an anthem that doesn’t sound like hymn in someone else’s church, but there are probably too many clinging to the past to let go if it without a big fight. As peace is our boast, apparently, I guess that war is unlikely to be declared – officially at least.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:31 pm
No Lance (apart from Bob)
The new anthem already exists: Bobby McFerrin: “Don’t Worry Be Happy”
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Graham –
My mistake then… It must be F-flat major or something awful like that, to sound as melancholy as it does!
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
Out of all the tunes, I still think the old Soviet / current Russian Federation tune is the most stirring. It’s so good that when the Russians went back to the tune after trying a new, much more dreary one after the fall of the Soviet Union. I’m only talking about the tune here. I have no idea what the current lyrics are.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
But it was the National Hymn before then.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Theme from Rocky III maybe Bob?
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Er! ‘Scuse me, but its the National Anthem folks!!
Not Top of the Pops, or “x-weeks in the Top Twenty”, but a hymn.
You remember hymns, eh?
Some good, some bad, some catchy, some dirgey.
The essence of the thing is its significance as a national statement, not its musical appeal.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Carlos #
Here it is the USSR National Anthem with subtitles -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yDrtNEr_5M
It is stirring so I wouldn’t think it is appropriate for a little out of the way place like NZ.
Besides that, we haven’t had a civil war or been invaded. Nothing much of any importance has ever really happened in NZ.
With all the socialism, feminism, PC and gay sex then I suggest the Play School Theme.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:04 pm
First verse of the Marseillaise:-
Arise children of the fatherland
The day of glory has arrived
Against us tyranny’s
Bloody standard is raised
Listen to the sound in the fields
The howling of these fearsome soldiers
They are coming into our midst
To cut the throats of your sons and consorts
Chrous:-
To arms citizens Form your battalions
March, march
Let impure blood
Water our furrows
it continues in somewhat similar bloodthirsty vein
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:11 pm
I absolutely agree that ‘God Defend New Zealand’ is dire- Especially now we force two dreadful versions upon unsuspecting sports opponents (what other country in the World inflicts such torture?)
But those calling for it’s banishment are missing a vital point- It must be replaced with something, and if you think ‘God Defend’ is bad wait until Dave Dobbyn composes it’s replacement. Sung in Maori, it will be a dreadful touchy-feely ‘Celebration of Multi-Cultural Aoteroa’ (of course excluding any mention of those ‘evil’ colonial Europeans who built this country)
Don’t say I didn’t warn you….
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Comparing GDNZ with la Marseillaise (or even the German DUA) is like comparing your wife with a Victoria’s secret lingerie model. It may not be so flash, but it’s what you’ve got so deal with it.
Marseillaise is so good, because it captures the birth of the republic and the spirit of revolution. GDNZ is so shit, because it doesn’t. It’s a hymn in praise of the steady as it goes status quo.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:20 pm
“it continues in somewhat similar bloodthirsty vein”
It’s not bloodthirsty, it’s about the defense of homeland.
Hearing 60,000 French people sing it is spine tingling. It’s miles better than the Haka
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Yes, the French, alongsie the Iatlians, the “best” defenders of their respective homelands as very recent history shows.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:32 pm
“Hearing 60,000 French people sing it is spine tingling. It’s miles better than the Haka”
Wait.. What? You mean there is more to rugby culture than Ali Williams going all googly eyed and poking his tongue out at the camera??
Don’t break this news to Colville and Bereal, it will destroy them..
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:34 pm
@Harriet
Pfft, were you sleeping when the Happy Feet saga was unfolding on the global scene? The world would be brought to its knees if if wasn’t for us supplying them with most of their penguin news stories. Anybody can have a war, people have been doing it for centuries. We’ve got penguins! Lots and lots of news about penguins.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:55 pm
I vote for Ten Guitars.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 1:57 pm
If anyone clicks on the link I submitted @ 1.02pm, read the subtitles and change the words Lenin to Helin, Labour to Motherland and Unions to bulwark…….sit back…………..and picture Helin when Lenin appears….and picture rag tag uniosts and Minto/Bradford types when the soliders appear……….actually here’s the link!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yDrtNEr_5M
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 2:02 pm
Also…………picture as soliders………feminists, gays, academics, and public service workers……….and any other oddities of the Left!
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 2:05 pm
New Zealand could adopt this tune as a National Anthem. WHY? Because it is very short (1 minute long).
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 2:14 pm
to Alan Johnstone
La Marseillaise celebrates battle and resistance and was for many an anthem of revolution. It is a superb tune.
GDNZ is a dirge. Unfortunately we would probably replace it with another dirge especially if we adopted a Dave Dobbyn tune, eg Loyal probably one of the worst songs ever.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 2:17 pm
‘Tomorrow belongs to me’…
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 2:21 pm
This would turn heads
Vote:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:33 pm
Topical
Vote:
November 29th, 2012 at 2:40 pm
‘Tomorrow belongs to me’…
Andrew Bolt once posted that….it was sung very well too!
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 2:51 pm
@Tom
Sheep is out of date, it’s all about dairy these days
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFM_ZvkYQQs&w=560&h=315
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Put it to Dave Dobbin and Neil Finn
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Bob must be bored
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 5:05 pm
The Welsh have the best national anthem. Google it sung by the crowd at Millennium Stadium to make you spine tingle. Go on, try it.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 5:12 pm
@RRM,
Dave Dobbyn? Surely not. This would be a better contender….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYvMeT2GC14
A more catchy tune. And so true.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Cultural cringe with a hint of republicanism.
La Marsellaise? Yes let’s sing about murdering fellow citizens who oppose our illegal regicide revolution.Same with their national day,celebrate murdering prison guards.
Casablanca? Bollocks,the Vichy opposed the Allied landings and even executed French soldiers who assisted those landings,after they had joined the Allies!
In Syria,the French fought against the Allies and after surrendering a majority of the Vichy army refused to join the Allies .
Real patriots! But there won’t be any Hollyweird movies about that collaboration.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 7:08 pm
There’s nothing wrong with our national anthems – GDNZ and GSTQ. There is a lot wrong with the opinions of Bob Jones on, well, everything.
Vote:LOL @Pete George 12.29pm wanting a translation of the Maori verse!
November 29th, 2012 at 7:19 pm
I love the lyrics of our anthem. They were written by Thomas Bracken, a fine poet and the first New Zealand patriot. The music, not so much, but if there are any budding composers out there who can do better, they should give it a burl.
My favourite line is “May our mountains ever be… freedom’s ramparts on the sea”. How beautiful is that?! It’s up there with Churchill and “We will defend our island…” New Zealanders should be proud of their anthem, and those wonderful words.
If you want a kickarse version, you can do no better than either the bombastic ’80s Closedown Annie Crummer rendition, or the more reflectively indigenous, but equally powerful Cindy Ruakare.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 8:18 pm
Have to agree about the Soviet anthem. Its a “kick arse – don’t F&*k with us” anthem. Actually lot of Europe’s anthems are pretty good. However, the one little bit of satisfaction I get with the present NZ anthem/hymn is how may die- hard atheists pray this hymn every time its sung…
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 8:30 pm
Yes, because if you sing a song you are absolutely committing to its sentiments. Take that commie atheists!
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 8:33 pm
Just speed up the tempo and cease the interpretive licence employed by so many performers trying too hard to be different.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Force schoolchildren to sing it daily with pride and gusto.
Vote:November 29th, 2012 at 11:04 pm
Maybe its just that a good version hasn’t been done in a while.
Vote:This one seemed to improve the tone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbfFoiz3XOM
November 30th, 2012 at 12:19 pm
Our anthem is great, one of the truly great anthems, no doubts. Like the monarchy & the flag, it should remain the status quo for decades I’d say…The only decent thing Bob Jones has to espouse on is boxing & business, probably in that order. Though he is right that it is overdone.
The French anthem is overrated, doesn’t stir my blood one bit…a garbled, nonsensical gibberish set to an average tune is NOT a great anthem. Time they just got with the program & spoke English. I do like the Japanese anthem, I have not a clue what they’re singing about either but musically it’s well done.
Vote: