Fred Thompson

May 6th, 2007 at 8:37 am by David Farrar

Fred Thompson is a former US Senator and a potential candidate for the Republican 2008 Presidential nomination. He is also an actor and most well known for his portrayal of Arthur Branch on the series Law & Order.

The Branch character is a former Yale Law Professor who becomes a popular tough as nails conservative New York District Attorney. The popularity of the character benefits Thompson as some people see his character as him (cf the Governorator).

With that in mind, I enjoyed receiving today this e-mail:

AWESOME FACTS ABOUT FRED THOMPSON

* Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions pronounced “nuclear” correctly.

* Fred Thompson has blasted more people in the face with a shotgun than even Dick Cheney.

* The masked executioner of Saddam Hussein: Fred Thompson.

* Not only does Fred Thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.

* Fred Thompson is the only person to have ever bested Miyamato Mushashi in a duel. The reason Musashi is so vague about the book of the void is because the fifth ring of combat is really Fred Thompson.

* The reason Fred Thompson didn’t want to stay in the Senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: Prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.

* Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson took over what was Al Gore’s Senate seat, thereby dramatically reducing the Senate’s carbon footprint. Fred Thompson then created carbon offset offsets by wastefully burning hippies.

* The Fremen consider “Fred Thompson” a killing word.

* Fred Thompson reconsidered running for reelection after 9/11 but later decided to handle things on his own. He was soon seen entering the Middle East with a bottle of tequila in one hand an a handgun in the other. They’re still counting the dead.

* Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn’t stopped wetting his pants.

* Fred Thompson’s gaze can kill small animals.

* Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator’s heart and showing it to him before he died.

* The actual cause of global warming: Fred Thompson’s burning rage.

* The budget to Law & Order was dramatically increased when Fred Thompson was added to the cast because he has to be digitally inserted into the scenes since anytime he’s near Hollywood liberals, he kills them.

* Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico.
There was no illegal immigration for a month.

* Scientists predict that when Fred Thompson dies he’ll explode taking out the five nearest planets before collapsing into a black hole.

* At a campaign stop, a Belgian Hound tried to hump Fred Thompson’s leg. That breed of dog no longer exists.

* Fred Thompson vows not only to win in Iraq but also to forcefully free Vietnam from Communism, thus giving America a perfect win/loss record for wars again.

* If you purchase a weather radio, it will wake you up with an alarm to warn you when Fred Thompson is pissed off.

* An abortion doctor tried to kill Fred Thompson when he was still in the womb, but he cut off the man’s hand with his scalpel while shouting, “Do you know who I am? I’m Fred Thompson!”

* Webster’s Dictionary defines “conservatism” as “how closely one’s views resemble those of Fred Thompson.”

* Fred Thompson’s sense of strategy is so great that he can checkmate you using only a pawn and a knight.

* Fred Thompson can know both the exact position and momentum of a particle. Furthermore, he knows Schroedinger’s cat is dead because he personally strangled it.

* The most efficient airline security is to have Fred Thompson stare down everyone entering a plane.

* When terrorists get to the afterlife, they’ll find that none of their seventy-two women are still virgins. Why? Because of Fred Thompson.

* Fred Thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.

* In a butterfly ballot, no matter where you punch it the vote goes to Fred Thompson.

* Why does Iran want nuclear weapons? Out of fear of Fred Thompson.

* Some versions of the Bible have Mathew 5:5 read, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth… unless Fred Thompson wants it.”

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20 Responses to “Fred Thompson”

  1. stan () says:

    “Fred Thompson reconsidered running for reelection after 9/11 but later decided to handle things on his own. He was soon seen entering the Middle East with a bottle of tequila in one hand an a handgun in the other. They’re still counting the dead.”

    - meh, that’s like saying Chuck Norris was responsible for what happened to Japan in WWII. not funny, as innocent civilians are killed everyday

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  2. Andrew Davies () says:

    Fred’s the man
    http://www.fred08.com/

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  3. Murray () says:

    Innocent civilians die in New Zealand all the time stan… and Helen Clark is PM. Coincidence?

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  4. Selma Bouvier () says:

    Fred Thompson was more of a ‘ladies man’ than Bill Clinton. Expect more details to emerge , a lot more.

    AS well he blamed restrictions on carrying guns at Virginia Tech for the recent massacre.
    Thats right more students should carry guns to class !!

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  5. Redbaiter () says:

    Selma, (welcome back) if the killer had been shot dead in the first few minutes, no further deaths would have occurred. Thompson is right. You keep your head in the sand and kill more kids.

    Ever noticed that these kind of mass murders are a phenomenon that has only occurred since pseudo liberals like you Selma gained political and social ascendancy? The me me me narcissists and their no blame culture? When traditional western culture was ascendant, these things didn’t happen. The big picture Selma is that you and your ilk brought this upon us when you attacked out traditional culture.

    I like Fred Thompson for his pro gun stand, but given his film industry/ entertainment sector background, he may be a bit of a lightweight. Then again, he might turn out to be another great like Reagan.

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  6. Selma Bouvier () says:

    Redbaiter, thanks for your welcome,

    When I was a kid NZ bank branches all carried revolvers. Yes we were even shown the gun when my class visited the main ASB branch in Queen St. Suburban and country branches were seen as especially vunerable.
    Did it stop bank robberies ? No.
    Did it put customers and staff lives at risk . Absolutely yes.

    Virginia allows ordinary citizens to carry concealed weapons outise the home . Virginia Tech had a policy of banning them. This is the same policy of the ultra conservative Regent University and Oral Roberts university.

    Does Virginia have an especially low murder rate ?

    In 2005 its murder rate per 100,000 was in the 5-6 range. In the 70′s it was over 10. Virginias pop is 7.5 million.
    This would mean with NZ 4.2 million pop there would be over 200 per year. More than twice what it currently is !!
    http://www.disastercenter.com/crime/vacrime.htm

    Virginia also has the death penalty for murder in special circumstances and have executed 94 since 1982 when executions resumed. But have executed 1300 since the founding of the colony The largest of any state.

    Virginia’s 21-day rule prohibits death row prisoners from having any court consider evidence discovered more than 21 days after trial. Under the 21-day rule, such evidence can only be presented to the governor in a request for clemency.

    In Virginia, juveniles as young as 16 at time of offense can be tried on a capital offense and sentenced to death.
    Virginia allows the executions of the mentally retarded, the severly brain damaged and the mentally ill. At least 7 such mentally handicapped prisoners have been executed in Virginia. The last in 1996.

    After Texas, which is far larger in population, it is currently the most active state for executions.

    http://www.vadp.org/info.htm

    Those liberals running Virginia sure have a lot to answer for !!

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  7. Andrew Davies () says:

    “Fred Thompson was more of a ‘ladies man’ than Bill Clinton. Expect more details to emerge , a lot more”

    Selma
    Has he ever lied about whether he did or did not have sex with anyone? Has he ever been accused of rape?
    If not, what is your point?

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  8. Redbaiter () says:

    Let’s not turn this into a gun thread full of partisan stats. Try and look at the big picture.

    The problem is not guns per se, its a cultural problem. Take away black on black crime, and black on white crime from any stats, and it changes the picture completely. I repeat, its not guns that are the problem Selma, its liberals like you and your assault on traditional western culture.

    What other reason accounts for the fact that these occurrences are comparatively recent? Guns have always been around, and in the past, a lot easier to get hold of.

    Look at any crime graph, especially as they relate to violent crime. High crime rates, with guns or without them, have only been around since your type gained political and social ascendancy. You destroyed traditional culture and replaced it with the narcissistic, no blame, everybody is a victim mentality that is the root cause of not only this problem but just about every other facet of society’s gradual disintegration as pseudo liberal ideas have gained prominence.

    For example, liberals describe the Virginia tech shootings as a “tragedy”, implying the event was some kind of uncontrollable environmental problem, like a tornado, something society is collectively unable to control or something we all need to share responsibility for.

    Its not so much a tragedy as an act of evil by a deranged killer. You can change things by starting to put responsibility where it really lies. With one man and his evil self obsessive ideas. The question you need to answer Selma is – why are there so many of these narcissistic scum around these days?? I suggest the answer to this question is the left’s attacks on our traditional culture.

    You won’t ever admit that tho, you’re so bogged down in pseudo liberal bullshit you’ll never acknowledge the real reason these things occur, and you’ll keep screaming ‘gun control’, and innocent people will keep getting killed.

    Of course the real reason you and other liberals like to do it this way is not because you want any real solution, but because you seek to assuage your sick need to think as the collectivists have told you to think. Break free of your pseudo-liberal chains.

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  9. baxter () says:

    SELMA ,,,You are wrong of course. During the period that the Banks had revolvers Armed Bank robbery was almost unheard of, I think the first during my time in the Police was the Hunterville Bank robbed by a man called Nash. I can’t be sure but I think revolvers had been withdrawn by then.But even if the Hunterville bank was armed you will note that the sophisticated criminal Nash picked on a quiet rural town. I can’t recall any incident arising from the chief teller of a bank having a revolver….Anyway to get onto the Presidential Candidates the one that has impressed me the most on Fox News is Senator McKain. I hope he gets the nod.

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  10. phillipjohn () says:

    Selma: you actually read RB’s posts?

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  11. phillipjohn () says:

    Baxter: Oh my God. How long ago was it that tumbleweedvile AKA hunterville had a bank? Showing your age old chap!

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  12. John Cawston () says:

    “I like Fred Thompson for his pro gun stand, but given his film industry/ entertainment sector background, he may be a bit of a lightweight. Then again, he might turn out to be another great like Reagan.”

    A fair summary. However, as has been pointed out, McCain and co have been there since 911 doing the business of govt. whilst Fred went to the movies; but he could be very good in the top spot.

    And Selma is wrong. In the US, murders shot up from 1966 when there were no more executions and dropped very significantly when they started again in the 1980s. Same is true of institutionalising the insane and deviant. When this dropped, murders went up.

    From Selmas own sites the same pattern holds, lowish murder rates till executions stopped in the 60s, then a sharp rise in murders, followed by a sharp drop when executions were brought back in in 1976.
    Virginia’s lowest rates of murder in 45 years have occurred under George Bush’s presidency.

    JC

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  13. Redbaiter () says:

    A fair summary. However, as has been pointed out, McCain and co have been there since 911 doing the business of govt. whilst Fred went to the movies; but he could be very good in the top spot.

    I think you’ll find Fred has prior political experience. I believe he was a senator for some years.

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  14. John Cawston () says:

    “I think you’ll find Fred has prior political experience. I believe he was a senator for some years.”

    Yes he was, and not too bad at it. My comments are more to the point that McCain for example, has been plugging away for many consecutive years on Islamic radicalism whilst Fred is able to come in fresh (and undeclared). McCain has his warts out there, but Fred is a relatively shiny new machine.

    JC

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  15. Mr I.P .Freely () says:

    Fred Thompson sounds like a womens man He could/might like to possibility bonk one of our account managers,where i work ,it might put her on the right path, straighten her out ,then she mightened notice,that hes been around, shes like that

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  16. Craig () says:

    Fred was, by all accounts, a popular and productive Senator.
    He also has that x -factor. No swanky ass- kissing hollywood fund raisers for Fred. Straight talking man of action. A leader, not a populist.

    My lord, he doesn’t have a show of being president in the modern US of A. More’s the pity.

    How quickly could we get this guy down here? fast track his immigration and let him run for PM.

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  17. ruotnalqx sxzqfwhg () says:

    irxdsokjm ymwvf txhy fjnpm kndw dipanco hagoukp

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  18. Messykitty () says:

    Hey Murray, whoever you are. Do try to keep up with the facts, ok?

    First, on the ladies man issue, you are aware that Clinton was married and Fred was single? Is this not a relevant factor to you?

    Also, you completely misrepresented his VTech commments.

    Otherwise, spot on, matey!

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  19. Messykitty () says:

    Hey Murray, whoever you are. Do try to keep up with the facts, ok?

    First, on the ladies man issue, you are aware that Clinton was married and Fred was single? Is this not a relevant factor to you?

    Also, you completely misrepresented his VTech commments.

    Otherwise, spot on, matey!

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  20. Messykitty () says:

    Hey Murray, whoever you are. Do try to keep up with the facts, ok?

    First, on the ladies man issue, you are aware that Clinton was married and Fred was single? Is this not a relevant factor to you?

    Also, you completely misrepresented his VTech commments.

    Otherwise, spot on, matey!

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