Pope David I

The National Business Review has a short-list of NZ Papal contenders, and I’m on the list. I must have been baptised Catholic when I wasn’t looking.

The scary thing is, looking at the list, that I would put myself in the top three 🙂

Article below:

Peter’s email
The National Business Review – 15 April 2005 : 16-02

Re: Kiwis for the Vatican?

To: tmcwilliams@church.org.nz

From: pdavis

Attachments: papal_candidates.doc

Hi Tom if I may, we were all very sorry to hear about the Holy Father’s recent passing. But now you are in Rome to play a part in selecting his successor, and so we were hoping you might throw in the name of a prominent Kiwi or two for the position. Please find attached a few names for your consideration. With best wishes, Peter

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John Tamihere: The chatty family man will probably have some spare time on his hands over the coming years. Pope John would bring a friendly touch to the Vatican, although his commitment to interfaith dialogue might still need a bit of polishing.

David P Farrar: As well as being unmarried and chaste – in accordance with papal tradition – the hardest working political operator in Wellington Central remembers the late pontiff “as one of the Karls I was pleased to call a close, close mate.” The other great Karl, of course, was Karl Rove. Pope David could be just what the Vatican needs right now if it ever hopes to reconnect with the millions of young Australians and Kiwis who have left the church and now prefer to spend their Sunday morning reading Kiwiblog.co.nz.

John Minto: The elderly activist lost even less time in vilifying the late pontiff than he did in criticising the US immediately after it was attacked in 2001. But perhaps that’s the kind of critical voice the church needs in the coming years? As the old advertising jingle goes, “It’s moments like those/you need Mintos.”

Helen Clark: Will the saintliest New Zealand has yet produced – and one of the wisest, kindest and erudite rulers the democratic world has ever seen – consider a tilt at the chief executive’s position in the Vatican? Odder things have happened. Were this non-Catholic female to be installed as history’s first popette, punters could expect to see a new broom going through Rome’s “boys’ club” of cardinals. But that’s assuming she turns down a position at the UN first.

Chris Carter: Probably wouldn’t throw his hat in the ring but don’t count the minister for gay affairs out just yet. As one of the country’s most pious men, Tosser could yet be the papal election’s dark horse if he wanted to.

Jim Bolger: Tanned, rested and ready to go. A move to Rome could be one of the few public service opportunities Pope Jimbo hasn’t taken yet.

Bill English: Would bring a tough, no-nonsense line to papal affairs, although his wife and children could be a problem in fully executing papal duties.

Peter Dunne: With oblivion staring his party in the face, what better time could there be for United Future’s leading man to strike out in a new direction? Mind you, those bow-ties would look more than a little garish worn with the pope’s traditional purple robe.

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